"Ok I have a serious question". Monica says, pulling Katia and I by the ears. The two of us sit up to the little brunette with us. We decided we needed a girls night, but Jenny was busy so we stuck to butt buddies. It's basically best friends for life, but more in touch. The title was one of many things I had no say in. Monica looks at me for a few moments and I'm left to question what she's contemplating on asking, because it's obviously for me. Katia seems to notice too, because the tension in her limbs brush away and she lays her head on Monica's thigh, getting comfortable with her substitute pillow . Please don't be sexual. Please don't be sexual please don't be-. "What's the hardest thing about seeing now that you can"?
"Well", I say in a stretched tone. Where do I even start? To me, seeing in general is hard. It's overwhelming. There is so much light and vibrant colors I want to peel my sight away. It's too bright, too much detail. My brain isn't used to all the activity this is stimulating. I end up with migraines that feel like being away for a surgery involving the removal of a bullet from gunshot wound to the head. When thinking that way, the wish of the bullet had gotten further did occasionally cross my mind. Not to mention the relearning of even the simplest things. I feel stupid when I have to close my eyes to know what something is. I decide on something that hits closer to my heart. "Not being able to understand the simplest things".
Katia looks at me, her eyebrows bridging over her nose," it gets to me when I see a color and I have to look out a window to know its blue, green or yellow. I have to look across the street to know what brown is. I have to look for something that matches. I don't like puzzles, I never have. It used to be me struggling with not seeing. Now it's the struggle of seeing and not seeing at the same time. Don't even get me started on letters and numbers".
"I won't". Sympathizes Monica, "sounds like you are quite miserable. Yet this is what you deserve".
"I am. I didn't think I deserved stress and sorrow.."
"I mean you deserve sight. You've gone through so much without it and now you have it but it's just the same".
"Part of living is dealing with the pain. It is one of the main factors of life. Life itself is built off of negative things". I state.
"Never fails to make a moment have at least one deep as shit phrase", Katia sighs, laughing quietly. We all laugh, knowing it's true.
Monica looks down at her hands, which are right next to Katia's head. She gets like that when she has something in her head that's stressing her mind, Whether it be a worry or a pressing question. Katia told me that when we first declared eternal friendship. I can read voices, she can read bodies. Together we mapped each other's tendencies like continents in the new world. "I'm worried about you, Nat".
"Why?" I ask, "I'm fine".
"You always say you're fine. 'Fine' is one of the most general words in the English language. C'mon, what's up with you?" Monica asks, looking me in the eyes after hers drifted everywhere else. In my head, I answered the question countless times,but all of them would raise more questions, the most common being why.
"That's just what I am, I'm neutral. I don't really know where I am in my head at this moment in time. I don't understand the chain of events, the train of thought, or the rain of emotions, in that order". I felt myself slipping. Too much information. Too many signs that I dropped below 'fine' by definition long ago. This fine was tracing a smile like a drawing against a windowpane and wash it off at nightfall with the tears shedding the build up of every day. They can't know. I am strong, I am reliable, I am Natalie. I concur all. "I just need to figure things out for myself, I guess."
I cut off any and all side comments the girls made about the subject. We ended up spending the rest of the day watching videos and making fun of each other until we were laughing so hard we almost peed. Monica had to check up on someone while she was out and Katia had to work later that night . by seven o' clock I was alone with my thoughts.
Thoughts are probably the most dangerous things to man. Sure knives can be. Guns can be. Cars can be. But you can put the knives and guns away, you have to stop driving eventually. Your mind is there from start to finish. If it's self destructive what keeps you alive might just kill you. If not, you could drive you insane. Violence starts at the mind, we think up our actions, dream about desired actions, these simple yet complex thoughts range from our future to beating the living shit out of someone we hardly know. We all have a Jekyll, as well as a Hyde I suppose. The things we do at the mercy of our own greed, our own fears, and all else never ceases to amaze me.
My night was spent washing my day away in salty water and making PB & J because that's all I like that doesn't require directions I won't be able to read. I wanted Spagettio's, but I made due. I fell asleep with a TV show that came on late at night that I didn't recognize. All the old people in it were funny when I paid attention though. I didn't catch much of it. I was busy staring at my phone, just inches from my face. In front of me was four inches of my smiling girlfriend. Sadly, she wasn't recognizable to me, no matter how close my face was to the screen.
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Oh, the things the mind does. Is it weird that I think up most of these things as I write? Maybe, Oh well.
For those who do not know, The Jekyll and Hyde thing is a reference to a book called 'Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde' By Robert Louis Stevenson. Interesting guy and book, if you haven't read the novel you should look into it.
Yay It's still friday for me and the next chapter is out!!! (round of applause)
vote, share, follow, and comment if you like. I know there are a whole lot of ghost readers out there. Pm me if you want to, I certainly don't mind.
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Two Eyes Down: Nearsighted
Teen Fiction(Reading book one, Two Eyes Down, is strongly suggested) Natalie isn't blind anymore, but when she has to walk back into her life with sight not having it before, she might as well have been. She still has the life she did before, with friends and...
