Two Eyes Down: Nearsighted

Human

These walls have hardened around my skin. The depression clinging to them like rock climbers on the edge of the world descends on my mood as if it was a bad dream. It slides into my head as a calming grass field filled with sunshine and hope as a deer prances freely until the dust settles and numbness takes over. Then, everything is set ablaze, the grass waves in flames as a harsh wind blows ashes into the soot stained air above. The deer is now nothing but a pile of charred skin and bones. I haven't left in a little infinity, I don't know how many hours, how many days. It all blends together when it all looks the same. The flames licking sooty air day after day.

Lanky arms wrap around my neck, kissing my temple and holding my head close to a pair of lips. "You smell", he whispers with a serpent's tongue, "please let me take you home so you look like you have one when you come back. She will be here. She's not going anywhere, I promise".

She's already gone, but Dylan doesn't know that. I already know that's a promise as empty as I am. The Demi he hated and then grew to love already has one foot in her grave, it's just waiting for her soul to join it. He hasn't seen the color that is no longer in her completion. The light that is no longer in her eyes. I can no longer see the solar system being reflected at nightfall. I did not move from my slouched position in the uncomfortable chair simply because she hasn't either. I stared at the same chip in the adjacent wall as I have for the last two sunsets.

Time goes by and a moonless night sets in. My eyes get heavy as I huff softly to myself. I try to find a future without her, but I can't. It's hopeless. I've heard life is simply losing things we love and relearning to move on without them. However, how can you go on with life when your life itself has been taken away?  I have cut myself on the sharp edges of my own thoughts while trying to wrap my head around that one thought.

I've heard that a Third World War would be nuclear and it would be absolutely impossible for most species of earth to survive. That war has become civil. The war in my body spits chemicals everywhere. Brain stabs heart, heart punches stomach, stomach shoots mouth and mouth calls in a bloody gurgle for an ally as my hand snatches my mouth and feet rush to help as they sprint into the lobby bathroom. I puke the little that was in my stomach into the toilet as I fall to my knees. My hair is held by bony fingers as I silently cry for a different set of limbs to reach for.

I wake up in a gasp when iced water is poured over my head. Dylan has an empty beach bucket upside down above me. He wears a white tank top and a grim look. "I tried to get you to talk and to shower. I did all I could to keep your body up to par but you smell like burnt asshole, Natalie. Demi's family is coming to see her at noon". Without another word and a period for me to respond he storms off and leaves me with ice cubes between my legs.

I'd rather not say hello to Demi's family to say goodbye to her, but like many aspects of life, I don't have much of a choice. Hesitantly I rise and remove the clothes enveloping my body. As I stand under the shower head that jets water at my neck and down my back, my mind searches for some happy ending. Unfortunately, this is another case in life where it just doesn't seem to show. 

The car coughs as it rolls into the parking garage outside the ill people's prison. Dylan slowly glides into a spot in the corner of the first floor, a location rarely available for a hospital of this size. Anxiety vibrates every bone as my heels grind into the pavement below. My knees struggle to support me when I step through the threshold of the unfortunately familiar place. I never want to come here, but I never want to leave anymore.

I know something is wrong when I go to Demi's room and there is only a girl sitting there. Dylan is no longer with me, for he knows how I feel about my time with my girlfriend, so now I'm staring at a brunette girl who is probably just getting used to the title of teenager. "I'm Maddison", she says shyly, gripping Demi's hand tightly, "Demi's sister".

"I'm Natalie, her girlfriend". I stretch out my hand with frozen fingertips matching the temperature of my heart but she rejects it. Instead, I receive a warm hug that lasts way longer than I am comfortable with.

"Thank you", she whispers weakly into my ear.

"I'm sorry, what am I being thanked for"?

"For being you", Maddison says as she sits in the grey chair next to Demi. "She never found someone worth turning on the closet light for, let alone opening the door and letting it air out. You're her first.." I know the finish to that sentence, and I feel like the teenager does too. However, that is a future we do not want to accept, so we drop it where it lies. I scoot a stool beside Maddison, resting my eyes on Demi's face and wait for a movement that doesn't come. "My parents will be here soon, they were excited to meet you. Demi asked us to come visit so they could meet there, as my sister said it, future daughter in law. She loves you to no end".

"Yeah she did", I say quietly, trying to suppress the lump in my throat. "And I loved her just the same. She taught me how to live".

I blond woman with makeup stained cheeks stops at the entrance with a tan man behind her and a woman similar to Maddison beside her. "Oh, hello", the woman says flustered. I can see why. She tries to look me in the eyes as she speaks to me, but her eyes drift to Demi and my hand clutching hers.

The mixing of all our worlds was quick. The man, eddy, was Demi's father while the blond was Diana and the other girl was Dallas. Most of the time we were quiet. It was the moment of silence given to fallen heroes or the sound of silent tears as the casket is lowered. The beeping of Demi's life force was all the rave. Paparazzi put out false information. While Demi lost bits and pieces of herself they take bets on if she'll live or not with the money they make on her suffering. Pain always entertains the public. Maybe it makes them feel like they aren't the only one who's life sucks.

Demi's sisters kisses her cheek and goes to get some food in the cafeteria and Eddy is soon to follow. Diana and I are left alone with the shell containing so much more than is shown. We are silent for a period of time, breathing shallowly in hopes it will spark a thick, full breath of her own. One that lifts her hand and jerks the needles out of her paper skin. One that brings those brown eyes to mine like a force was directing them to. Diana needs it too, the look in her eyes has set to the grief stage. She knows she's going to bury her daughter.

"When she was little, no more than six, she would impersonate anyone singing on the radio", Diana said quietly, never so much as blinking while she stared at the porcelain doll. "She used to ask me if I thought she sounded good. Whether I thought so or not, which I did, I would always say yes. Little Demi would always say of course I did and kept singing. As she got older though, things started to change".

I looked to Diana with a scowl, one that mountains have, slouches of stone from Boulder after Boulder of pressure. Diana's resembled a widow's frown, but that's a frown only true in one form. "What happened?" I asked.

"She stopped singing in the car. She hit third grade and the kids at school developed groups. The problem was, she wasn't in any of them, she was different, special, and Demi was humiliated for it." The two of us looked at Demi for a minute to check for a response as if it was sure to come, but we were mistaken.

I thought of every moment I had with Demi. Maybe I would have shared but I couldn't do it. Every moment with her was just to close to me as a person. What I was before I met her wasn't human, now that she's absent, I can never be anything but human.
----------------------------------------------hey guys, surprise. Sorry I've been absent so long. Comment your thoughts. Vote, nominate, follow, and share if you'd like.