Damage

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Nick and I sat in silence for hours. He eventually folded into himself and fell asleep, but I couldn't do it. I just sat there as texts came in rapid fire. I only texted one. I needed him. I needed the calm and steady heartbeat. I needed the thoughts and words of someone willing to be comforting yet honest. I didn't want to hear it would be ok. I didn't want to hear that he understood. I just needed someone to sit hear and pray to a god I don't believe in with me. My chest was collapsing in on itself and I don't know how else to stop it. I knew he would never come though, and the fact that I still checked my phone for Nate to pop up in my notifications displayed how I never truly let him go. I was waiting for a superhero that would never save another again.

I was in a blue seat that looked more comfortable than it was, arms around my knees as I prayed my eyes would open and they would become Demi's waist. I felt like the exhaustion and the anxiety have taken over. I've been holding on to myself so tight my fingers have lost consciousness. I can't feel anymore because I've felt too much. I'm passed emotions because emotions simply aren't enough.

My world is around here somewhere. My future is at the verge of falling off the face of the earth. I want to say something, I want to scream it at the sun because it's the brightest thing now. The light of Demi Lovato is burning, and I'm burning with her.

"Is there any family member here for Demetria Lovato?" I look up to see an ashy haired man in a white coat. Concern expressed itself in his lip bite as he gripped his clipboard.

I stood, "I'm her sister", I lied.

I knew he saw through it, but he nodded anyway and he motioned for me to follow him down the hall. It was long and quiet as we passed room after room of suffering beings. When we reach an office around the corner he waits by the door and follows me in, closing the door quietly behind him.

Sympathy made its way to me as he slowly got his paperwork together and sat down with sigh. "Hello, I'm Doctor Crest. I operated on Ms Lovato". He pauses, waiting for a response that never gets past the lump in my throat. "I'm going to give it to you straight, because we would be wasting valuable time if I tried to find a way to lay this down gently". His blue eyes look into mine intensely before he swallows and leans forward, leaning over the desk to come closer. "Miss Lovato has a severe closed head injury to the brain around the parietal and occipital lobe in addition to the brain stem, specifically the pons." The doctor looks at my blank expression, sighs, and continues. " the parietal lobe controls things such as visual attention and touch perception, motion and body sensing and other things. The occipital lobe deals with visual information and interprets things like colour, shape, and distance. The pons deal with the senses."

I want to scream in agony from hearing the news. The doctor would not be surprised. The problem is, I don't know how to get that emotion past my heart because it hasn't been pulled out of my chest yet.

"So what's happening to Demi?"

"What could possibly happen is trouble reading, writing, locating objects and body parts, inability to recognise movement, words, drawn objects, colour, along with visual deficits. In addition to loss of senses, inability to multitask, read, name objects, draw, do math, focus, locate words and coordinate. It's not limited to that list though, and that's if she survives."

The numbness that had been laying on my skin thickens, and I stare at my sweaty palms trying to think of a way out. "What can I do?"

"Nothing but pray sweetheart. Go home. You've been here nearly fifteen hours".

I get up and walk out of the office and down the halls to the lobby, where a new staff member has replaced Tina. I ask for her room number quietly and they tell me it's room 294 in the ICU. I walk through the white halls in a hurried pace. I'm lost without her.I only stop when I come to a bed and a woman with short black hair sprawled all over the place. Coming closer I know it's her, but I can't recognise her.

Bandages the same colour as her pale skin are wrapped around her head. I wanted those lips to tell me she was ok. I needed those eyes to look back into mine with all the intensity that comes with it. But it doesn't happen. Tubes and needles are shoved in her skin to force her to breathe. Slowly, I grab a chair and sit by her, placing her limp hand in mine. I caress the back of her hand with my thumb as I wipe my tears, slowly thinking of what to do. For now, I just let the tears dampen her cotton sheets and think of what will never be. She will not write music, be able to sing and play an instrument, taste, or smell or maybe see. If I could give up my sight for hers, my life for hers, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I sit with her for a few more minutes, letting silence overcome the two of us and hide the truth for a little while.

"Welcome home Demi", I smile sadly, sniffling and closing my eyes. There is not point in having them open, I can't see because every time I look at her tears blur my vision. "I missed you and I know things could be a lot better, but I'm glad you're back with me. I just want you to know I love you and even if you aren't the same, that won't change". I squeeze her hand. I need to feel the cold and non responsive fingertips of the love of my life in my soul to know it's real. I kiss her clammy hand, hoping she feels it and sit there in tears until I'm kicked out by nurses.

When I get back to the lobby. A familiar face finds mind and huffs my name in a tone only present in times of desperation. Without hesitation I run into Dylan's slim arms and hold his frame while he clenched mine and whispered how sorry he was. He didn't say anything else, he just kissed my cheek and held my hand, leading me to his car where he then drove me home. I only had one thought stuck on reply in my mind.

My entire life is dying. I don't see the point in fighting it anymore. Demi is someday, going to die.
----------------------------------------------maybe I'll fix it up, maybe I won't

I'm holding this story until I'm not so busy. Then I'll start a new one and edit

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