Two Eyes Down: Nearsighted

Goodbye

I was at the hospital at noon. It was a busy time to be at the hospital and the plug wasn't being pulled for another hour, but I didn't want to miss her go. I didn't want her to, but I wanted to be there just incase by some some movie-like miracle she would wake up gasping my name. I just sat there with a large double shot expresso in my hand I drank to keep me alert. I didn't sleep last night. My dreamland was crawling with different versions of Demi, but most weren't happy.

Diana, Eddy, and Dallas came half an hour after I did. However, Diana and Eddy had an abundant amount of paperwork to fill out, so Dallas and I were left alone in the semi busy hallway. We had never spoken before, so there wasn't anything telling me I should. Demi would have liked it, but she's not here so I guess that doesn't matter anymore.

"Did you love her", Dallas asks. I look up from the bleached white tiles below me. Dallas was staring intensely into my eyes. Despite the undoubtably high amount of emotion coursing through her like me, I could not read her.

I thought for a moment, not sure how to answer the question in the best way, "more than life itself".

She nods, and we both pause our slow and awkward conversation to watch two nurses talking about a patient pass by. "I'd never seen the look in her eyes when she came home the first time after meeting you. She just had her own sunshine going on, you know?" I nod, unsure how to respond anyway different. "She wanted to name the child you were supposed to have Sydney. She didn't care what gender it was".

Maybe it was a desperate attempt to get some kind of reaction out of me, but it worked. Demi never went too deep into a future too uncertain with me. I was just hearing this now and it brought tears to my eyes. She was planning on having kids with me.

"She wanted to live by the ocean near her family. Demi wanted to teach Sydney to swim and swim hard because that's how life would be. Your job was to teach the kid not to be afraid of sharks because to Demi you weren't afraid of anything. You were fearless to her".

I didn't notice it was a full on water works until I saw tears hit the shiny floor. I was afraid of a lot, including the inevitable. An end. This was the end. This Sydney, the offspring of a beautiful woman about to die too young was never to exist.

"A little while back she told me a friend of yours died in the accident she was in. That's why the middle name would be either Nathan or Natalia, depending on the gender". She stopped talking when I sobbed into my hands. Instead she rubbed my back and told me it's ok and that Demi knew how I felt. She didn't though, and even though she meant well Dallas wasn't helping me. The soothing motion of her hand wasn't the same as Demi's.

We were all called into a small room with a large glass window. When I looked, I saw Demi laying with all her machinery and surrounded by flowers and balloons from fans. 'We'll miss you' was on a few signs. The press must have gotten wind of today's events. She didn't look well, the most lovely thing in there was the indifferent nurse in the corner. The doctor was beside a button with a microphone on our side. When the door shut behind Diana he folding his arms anxiously in front of him.

"Why are we in here instead of with her?", Diana asked almost immediately.

"Safety precautions, being in this environment with the situation happening within arms reach isn't always the best way to go about it so it's been decided to make things easier for everyone and separate family from patient".

"She's not just a patient", I spat, "she's a person, just like us. Family deserve to be together during ones final moments breathing".

"This just helps everything go smoother, ma'am. We used to do it that way and often times, it wasn't pretty". His attention was generalised after his monotone response, "are we ready, folks?"

No one answered, which must have been common because he turned his body and pressed the button. "Go ahead, nurse Maggie".

Maggie walked slowly to the monitor and, with the thumbs up from the doctor, unplugged one machine, and then the another, until only the heartbeat monitor remained. For a minute it went fine on its own. The heart beat at a consistent pace, blood pressure was all good. For a few seconds I thought she was ok, but I was wrong.

The beeping went faster and her blood pressure started to drop. It sounded like a bomb was about to go off and blow her to bits. Then it slowed down constantly until it couldn't go any longer and dropped off.

I was in my own wold, hot tears running down my face as I silently took in breathes she didn't take. When the beep went flat and Maggie started to move again I lost it. I ran to the glass and balled, banging on the glass and told her to leave my girlfriend alone. My face was red hot and I could feel it. "No! Don't touch her. She's gonna be ok, she's ok!"

A hand grabbed my shoulder and I hit it off. It was the doctor. "She's gone, I'm sorry for your loss but it's time to go." I turned and did what I probably shouldn't have. I cornered him. His face was the same as a deer in headlights. Wild eyes scanned the room in search of an escape route but instead he coward into a ball on the floor.

"I need her, where is she? I never got to kiss her goodbye", I demanded rather than asked. He said nothing, so I punched the wall next to his head. "Where is she?!" I could feel the stampede of blood rushing through the vains in my neck. My heart pumped twice as hard, as if supporting Demi from afar.

Eddy grabbed my shoulders, but I fought back until a male nurse walked by and saw what was happening and helped him control me until I gave up and sunk to the floor as tears fell freely. She's gone. No more kisses, smiles laughs. The last thing I'll see of her is a casket and a headstone. No one can be represented as a stone with name and birth and death dates. Her entire life was to become the line between the two. Meanwhile while thinking this, I sobbed until I couldn't breathe and had to be carried out after being injected by a calming drug. Just a few more shots of that and I'd be as calm as Demi.

Demi Lovato passed away on Friday, July twenty eight. She was twenty three years old.
----------------------------------------------this was too sad for me to write long metaphors and shit. It didn't need that.