Two Eyes Down: Nearsighted

Disorders

Demi holds my hand as we walk to the car to go to the doctors. After my last episode she told me I need help. I fought it of course. "I can handle myself" I said. "I don't need anyone telling me something is wrong in my head, I'll know if there is". Only one if those statements is true. At the bottom of my heart, I knew something was up. These dreams, these hallucinations, these thoughts, they aren't me. I know Nate is gone and nothing is going to bring him back, but in my head he did. It's just not the same. He was never a terror of mine before, now it seems that's all he wants to be.

I don't want to get in the car, I told Demi that. She seemed not to be that concerned but she doesn't understand. The last time I was in a car someone died. I don't have the best of luck, so I'd prefer it not happen again. I have decided. I will not get in the car. I turn abruptly, letting go of Demi's hand and head toward the front door. I don't get very far before a hand harshly grabs my wrist and I howl at the pressure on my healing wounds.

"Natalie, come on". She said, a demand pinching her voice.

"No, I don't wanna go" I whine.

"You have to"

"I don't have to do anything, I'm an adult". She doesn't even fight it. Demi just grabs me by my waist and tosses me over her shoulder. I kick in the air and scream for her to put me down but my very upset and panicked requests are ignored as the surprisingly strong woman opens the passenger door to her car and tosses me in. "Let me go"! I cry in her face loudly as she buckles me in.

"You want to be treated like an adult"? Demi asks, looking me intensely in the eyes with an anger I haven't seen before. "Try acting like one". As she slams the door I hear her mumble, "I'm sick of dating a child". Then she gets in the car and we back out.

The ride is silent. What she said hurt more than expected. I rack my brain for a solution, but come up with nothing. It wasn't until I had nearly given up that I realized why. I've always been treated like a child. Even after I had grown out of it and escaped faze one of my life. I was pulled back in. It turns out that it's not just parents that belittle you both knowing and unknowingly.

The gloomy sky seems endless we drive miles without a single break of blue. Every time I hear the slightest sound out of the ordinary, or feel it happening above me I have to check to make sure nothing is wrong. I even ask Demi to stop to make sure everything is alright with the car, but she says no and keeps driving. It's when we get to the highway I start feeling something wrong, but it's not with the car, it's with me.

I feel like my chest is collapsing in on itself, my lungs feel like balloons fighting pins. I can't breathe, gripping the handle by the door, I try deep breathes through the nose, but no matter how many times I pull the trigger, I'm shooting blanks. I feel like I'm going to pass out.

"Can we pull over", I ask, gasping for air.

"Jesus Christ Natalie, nothing is wrong with the fucking car", she yells. I'm getting dizzy, her angry voice blends in with itself, lasting in all the wrong places. It bounces in my head, echoing, echoing, echoing to a point it's louder than anything on the outside.

"It's not the car", I scream, leaning back and squeezing my eyes shut in an attempt to restrict the nausea, "it's me".

"Oh I know something is wrong with you". The sarcasm drips off her tongue like the venom of a viper.

"Pull over before I suffocate Demetria".

She finally listens, and before the car comes to a complete stop on a bridge I'm unbuckled, out of the car, and leaning over the railing. I can finally breathe, but my head is spinning and I feel like throwing up. The highway wind consistently blows behind me until it is broken by a pair of footsteps. The footsteps stop next to me and I feel a hand rubbing my back. It wants to soothe, gentle fingertips scratching my spinal chord. It doesn't fill it's purpose.