Michael Clifford Imagine Series

29. Avalanche

*They both just want to feel okay.*

Happiness doesn't last very long; it never has. It's like one moment everything thing is going great, then suddenly a heavy sadness comes along.

I've never had someone who actually wanted me. It brings sadness; a sick reminder that I'm not good enough. That I'm not skinny enough. That I'm not pretty enough. It weighs down on me and I just want to fold in on myself and disappear.

I feel empty and used up. Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to be the best I can be. And it kills me.

I know other people have these problems too, but people around me cover up their issues. They pretend that their lives are perfect. I don't have the energy to pretend anymore.

I can't remember the last time I truly felt happy, that I didn't feel the need to just cry. I wonder more often than not about why I became this way and I feel like I failed myself. I was supposed to take care of my mental health, not let my demons eat me alive and leave only darkness.

There are times when I feel like no one really understands exactly how I feel, because they end up telling me that it'll pass. I don't want to keep being ignored when people can't handle the cold hard truth.

I don't think I've met anyone that's real with their own emotions and don't really hide what they're going through.

At one point I actually tried to get help by talking to someone, but all she did was repeat herself; I quit going. I take a lot of medication and I even I hate that about myself.

I know music artists really show their emotions, but I don't exactly know them personally. I wish I could just chat with those artists because most of them know what I'm going through. I also wish I could express myself through music like them.

The only way I can express myself is through pictures, my own fictional stories, and probably tattoos. I haven't gotten a tattoo yet, but I hope to get one at some point.

The day I met my idols was a particularly bad day for me and that's what made it so hard to enjoy it.

I was sitting in a twenty-four hour restaurant late one night. I couldn't be bothered to eat the food in front of me I was so upset. I had my head in one hand and my heart was pretty much shattered.

The only people in the restaurant were a few older people and me.

When other people walked in I didn't look up, so I didn't notice them at first. I then heard feet walking by, then I saw them go into the booth next to mine. They couldn't see my face because I was faced away. The people were chattering rather loudly, but they probably didn't notice my existence.

I stirred my drink around with my straw until something hit me and caused me to jolt slightly. I looked over just in time to see the band 5 Seconds Of Summer. I didn't know how to react as I saw Michael Clifford hit Calum Hood on the back and call him an idiot.

I met Michael's eyes and he stared at me, then I looked away. I couldn't bare to handle this in any way. I should be ecstatic that I'm in the same place as one of my favorite bands; I'm not. I don't want them to see me like this. I'm not at my best and I can't talk to them for that reason.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as my phone buzzed. I pulled it out and saw that it was my brother texting me.

Y/Bro's/N: hey can you babysit tomorrow?

I sighed heavily and texted back.

Y/N: sure

He didn't text back; he got what he wanted.