Love Me for Me

Chapter Eighteen

Lately these pregnancy symptoms have been kicking my ass and Hayden is always doing business so I'm left alone. When I wake up there is a note saying he had to go in early or something and now I just go to bed at night not knowing when he even coming home. It's basically back to being me and Ciara again expect this time we live in this huge house. She's being coming to work with me to learn how to cook from Momma J and she's really learning something. Maybe if she gets good enough she could be a chef.

"Anna can we watch a movie today," Ciara asked coming in the kitchen where I was doing the dishes. "Yea, what you want to watch bug face."

"Can we watch No Good Deeds?"

"You think you can handle that movie; it might get scary."

"I can handle it besides Imma be ten in exactly thirteen days," she said smiling wide. "Oh so you think that makes you a big girl now?"

"I am a big girl," she said putting her hands on her hips. I just shook my head. "Girl of you don't get them hands off your hips before I tickle you to death. Now do you want popcorn or jelly beans and gummy bears?"

"Jelly beans and gummy bears!"

"Okay go pull up the movie on Netflix and I will get the sweets."

Soon we were laid out on the couch watching the movie while stuffing our faces with candy. While we were watching the movie Hayden walked in the door and let's just say I wasn't too excited to see him. I just looked at him and went back to the movie; I really didn't care what he did at this point. We soon begin to run low on sweets so I went to the kitchen to refill. When I stepped in the kitchen I immediately wanted to turn around cause Hayden was sitting at the counter eating cereal. I just pretended he wasn't there which wasn't hard since he was never here and I took out the gummy bears with the last of the jelly beans. "So you just gonna act like I'm not here now," he asked breaking the silence.

"Trust me it's not that hard."

"Look I know I haven't been around lately but-"

"I don't care Hayden, you can do whatever you want. You can stay out all night and leave early in the morning; I will not complain. But just know the only reason I am here is because you wanted us here and now I'm pregnant with nowhere to go so I'm stuck. I don't want to hear your excuses because frankly I'm tired of all the damn excuses you come up with for not being here." With that I took the candy and went back to the movie. I was so mad though I couldn't even focus on the rest of the movie. When it was over Ciara was knocked out snoring and drooling so I picked her up and put her in her room. I decided that tomorrow I would go and buy some paint so me and her could start painting her room the blue and gold she wanted.

All of sudden I felt a rush of sickness attack and it felt like I was about to collapse any moment. I rushed to the nearest bathroom and released my guts into the toilet. With my first pregnancy the morning sickness wasn't as nearly as bad as this. Something in my gut was telling me something was wrong. "Are you ok," Hayden asked coming to seat beside me. "I'm fine ."

"How long as this been going on?"

"It's just morning sickness, I'll be fine," I said standing up and going to our bathroom with Hayden right behind me. "Maybe we should go see the doctor."

"I have an appointment in two weeks I will go then and why do you care."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means this is the first time in two weeks I have seen your damn face and now you want to come in here acting like you give a damn about me. You don't know half the shit this pregnancy has been putting me through so please just stop pretending," I said closing the bathroom door. I decided to take a shower because I felt so dirty from earlier. Usually a hot shower could calm me down instantly and magically it worked. I stepped out of the shower, dried off, and wrapped the towel around my body. When I came out Hayden was sitting on the bed dressed in an all-black suit with roses in his hands.

"What is all of this?"

"This is my way of showing the girl I love and the girl that is having my first child just how sorry I am for making her feel like she isn't important."

"Hayden I really don't feel like going out, I just want to stay home."

"Just get dressed and meet me downstairs," he said kissing me on my forehead and leaving. I sighed because I really didn't feel like going out but I had to admit the dark purple dress in front of me was gorgeous. I slipped on the dress and instead of wearing the heels since my feet were swollen I put on my purple flats. I walked downstairs to be met by Hayden standing at the end of the stairs. The whole living room had been transformed into a romantic dinner for two. There was a table in the middle of the floor with lit candles and rose pedals that sprinkled the floor. There was soft music playing in the background; everything was perfect. "How did you do all of this?"

"I got my ways."

"Hayden this is beautiful, no one has ever done this for me before."

"Well, I'm glad to be your first," he said coming close to me. "I don't like it when you are mad at me."

"Hayden if you think this dinner will make how I feel go away it won't. I didn't sign up to live like this. I know what you do is stressful but what about me. When do I get to wake up and smell your scent or go to bed with you holding me tight? I miss you and this pregnancy hasn't been easy and it doesn't help I don't even see you."

"Then I promise to be home very night and morning. I also promise to be there whenever you need me and whenever you don't feel good. I don't want you to feel like you going through this alone." I nodded and we sat down to eat. The entire we ate it was silent I guess both of us forgot how to communicate with each other. We just stared at each other making goofy faces. "Tell me what has been happening with your pregnancy."

"What do you want to know?"

"Why has your pregnancy been hard for you?"

"I throw up at all times of the day, I get exhausted way too quickly, and sometimes I get fevers for no reason. Sometimes I can barely get out of bed or move."

"Why didn't you tell me this?"

"You can't tell a ghost your problem Hayden. Besides I'm used to doing everything myself, I don't need anyone to take care of me." He looked at me as if he could attack me at any moment. Honestly I didn't care I grew up taking care of myself which means I knew exactly how to do what was necessary when things got tough and this wasn't any different. "Did you ever talk to your guy about my first child or did that just slip your mind too?"

"He's working on it. Right now he is looking into every lead you gave him but he said if you wanted to it would help if you met with him so he could more information." I nodded my head, "When?"

"Whenever you want," he said shrugging. "Okay," I said getting up and going into the kitchen to put up the dishes. "I'm trying," he said finally coming into the kitchen. "I know you didn't ask for this lifestyle and I know it's not fair to ask you to stay and go through this with me but right now I'm being selfish as hell because I fucking love you Annalisa. You are carrying my first child and I'm happy as hell so I'm trying to be the man you need me to be with everything in me I just need to know you will be here when I come back."

"Hayden you of all people should know I would never-"suddenly pain shot through me making me grab my stomach. When I tried to stand a stinging pain waved through me. "Anna what's wrong!" Before I could respond I dropped to the floor as my vision went blurry. Darkness took over and everything around me went blank.