Change Me (Camila Cabello & Jack Gilinsky)

Twenty Eight

Jack

She's gone now and all I can think about is how our hands touched, how they laced together, I just can't let go.

She's happier now, I know she is.

My stomach twists and turns into knots whenever I think about just her in general.

I'm happier now, but I still think about her and I hope she thinks about me too.

I don't know if I'm ready to come back.

But Johnson wants to see me. I'm not going to visit for Camila, I'm doing it for Johnson.

My stomach ached at the thought of it all.

What if I don't even see her when I visit?

I don't know if I would be relieved or disappointed.

I probably confused the fuck out of her when there would be nights when I'm drunk texting her saying I love and miss her.

She never did reply to me. Not even once.

I don't blame her, I told her to forget about me and practically abandoned her. Unless she wanted me to leave.

I haven't seen her in a year, and not seeing Camila for a damn year was a fucking year wasted I have come to the conclusion.

College is great and all, but I've found no one that has made me the way Camila does.

And to be honest I don't think I ever will.

-
Wow, a party for my little reunion.

How wonderful.

Too be honest Johnson's house is packed full of many people whose names I've never even heard of before.

It felt weird being here, it felt like I was back in high school but I wasn't anymore.

I was continually pushing past people in the very crowded house, the smell of alcohol burned my nostrils almost when I took my first drink.

I was sober still, and still was aware of my surroundings but I wish I really wasn't.

Because of course it was like fate, it was like God wanted me to be tortured and he wanted me to see her.

Beau and Camila came into the house, holding hands.

Maybe I did tell her to go with Beau.

But I regret ever putting that thought in her head the last time we spoke.

I wanted to vomit and not from the alcohol.

"You doing okay?" Johnson was now standing next to me.

"I need some air." I managed to speak, I rushed out to the backyard and honestly, I threw up.

I threw up from seeing Camila and Beau.

I wish Josie was here.

If Josie was here everything would be better.

Suddenly my breathing became faster and faster and I felt 2 inches tall and everything was collapsing around me.

Why does this keep happening to me?

I heard the sliding glass door open.

"Please leave." I quickly said trying to slow down my breathing, it almost was like the more I tried to calm myself the more anxiety built up in me and someone coming outside to see me like this made things worse.

I didn't hear the door close, "I said go." I quickly spoke.

I turned my head there stood Camila.

"My god, especially you just go."

I turned back around, I felt so girly for not even being able to look at her I hate myself.

"You're not okay-"

"Leave, Camila." I raised my voice.

"We need to talk-"

"No we don't. If you wanted to talk to me you could have replied to my texts when I needed you the most." I said coldly.

"Don't use that against me."

"Then don't say we need to talk when you've had plenty of opportunities. It's been a year Camila. If you really wanted to talk to me you could've called me back or texted me back-"

"Reply to your drunk texts? No thank you-"

"Not all of them were." Camila fell silent.

"I-I didn't know you felt that way."

"You do now, but it's too late anyway." I shook my head and took a drink of my beer.

"Jack, there's something you need to know." Camila crouched next to me.

"What? You're pregnant with Beaus baby and now you'll get married and live happily ever after?" I said bluntly.

"Jack, Beau and I are engaged." Camila's voice was like silk.

I turned and finally looked at her, our eyes were locked but they looked more different than the last time I looked into them a year ago.

"Congrats you're marrying your attempted murder." I glanced at her before taking another drink of beer and looking away from her.

"Excuse me?"

"He got you put in a damn coma and you've been dating for what? Less than a year? That's not 'husband material'." My tone blunt, rolling my eyes.

"That was an accident, he never meant to get us in an accident and what makes you think he'd be such a bad husband you don't know anything about marriage and husbands."

"Him proposing to you shows he doesn't think before he acts, he moves to quickly, he jumps to conclusions, he doesn't know what love is and I bet he moves way too fast for you to keep up. You guys probably had sex the week after I left." I glared.

Camila stayed quiet and looked down.

"Wow, he just wants you for your body. Great husband." I sarcastically said, taking another drink.

"You don't know anything about relationships-"

"Fuck you for even saying that. I loved you and didn't try to get in your pants within the first week you showed interest in me. You don't know what your getting yourself into, you don't love him and you know it."

I looked down at her hand that was resting on her knee as she was now sitting next to me.

"If you're engaged where's the ring?" I jutted my chin out at her hand.

"He....is getting it soon."

It was hard to believe how much of an actual douchebag Beau was. His whole innocent act towards Camila washed away the second I left because without me, he had Camila all for himself.

"I'm really disappointed in you." Was all I said before I got up and let the rout side by herself.

The words poured out of me as I spoke to her, I wasn't even nervous when I spoke to her it felt so weird but I meant what I said.

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FINALLY I UPDATED IM INCREDIBLY SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS UPDATE TOOK

I had major writers block and also have been so busy but I finally updated yay!!!!

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