Sinistral

Chapter Twenty Three

When my third nightmare took me, I knew that I needed to try not to let it affect me. But it was a bit too late for that. I had begun to lose my mind; Lucas had me wrapped around his little finger. So everything I saw, everything he told me, I actually really started to believe.

My heart was just about staying together, in hope Zack would calm down and forgive me but after that nightmare my heart broke in two. How could that be possible? Well it isn’t but that’s what it had felt like. Like someone was trying to break me from the inside, mentally. Amelia had said that it’s the nightmares that make you lose it in the end, she was right about that.

I faced the nightmare, feeling broken so all I did was walk away. Walk away from Zack and Amelia, but it wasn’t such a good idea but at the same time it made me believe just a tiny bit of me that I wasn’t as weak, wasn’t as foolish or stupid as Lucas thought I was.

I saw myself, I was alone, just like Lucas said I would be from now on, where’s Zack I thought? Why am I alone? Why isn't he by my side? Where am I going? The thought that Zack will never forgive me made me want to hurl, but I wasn't in the tunnel anymore, none of that mattered if Zack wasn't by my side, I would rather be trapped in this tunnel forever than to leave without Zack.

Lucas laughed and cheerfully said "Let me show you... well you without Zack." The image before me dissolved quickly and I saw myself walking, my head turning this way and that, I looked confused, hurt, broken, I was all alone, I looked as if I had been walking for miles, and that I didn’t have a clue where I was going, what I was doing. Did I even have the map with me? Where was Zack and Amelia, had I left them in the tunnel, or had they found there own way out, was Zack thinking about me like I was thinking about him, had he truly forgotten about me?

“How does it feel? How does it feel without Zack?” Lucas’s voices echoed in my head. It hurt; it made me want to give up. The image that was in front of me, this is what is going to happen? “I’m afraid it is.  He’ll leave you, he will. He pretty much has already. He can’t forgive you and do you blame him? You got him hurt, your weak…so weak. It’s the way things were always going to turn out,” he laughed. I fell forward, onto my knees tears falling down my face. “He didn’t forgive me?” I asked even if Lucas had already said Zack didn’t forgive me. “No, he didn’t. Amelia, he is with her. They left you.”

"NO!”I screamed in denial, “This cant be true, Zack wouldn't leave me, I know he wouldn't, he wouldn't just forget about me so easily." This seemed to make Lucas laugh so hard, he almost had tears in his eyes, "Oh Cayden, believe what you want, its already happened and you know it, if I was you I would let it go."

I was beginning to lose control of my anger, I wanted to beat him, I wanted to beat Lucas, I wanted to hurt him, he was wrong, I didn't believe him, and yet I couldn't not believe him with the truth right before my eyes, I turned to look at him, with nothing but hatred in my eyes, I clenched my fists "I know what your trying to do, and it isn't going to work." Lucas merely shrugged at this, shaking his head he said "I’m not trying to do anything, I just wanted you to see, Zack is not who you think he is."

"I don't believe you, I know Zack, I know him," Lucas erupted he wrapped his hand around my throat and looked me in the eyes; they were full of glee and frustration at the same time. "Look, this is the end for you," he beamed "Don't you see, this is what you deserve, to be on your own, you've always deserved this, shame it didn't happen any quicker.”

So as much as my anger was still there, as much as I felt I knew how Zack was. I felt deep within, Lucas was right. It’s all over, no point denying it any longer. Maybe he is right, maybe Zack is already gone.  My nightmare dissolved, replaced with darkness. For that moment there was nothing, no Lucas and no vision at all. The first time in some time, Lucas wasn’t there. Disturbing my thoughts, but it didn’t matter because he might as well be here because I feel broken, Zack is going to leave me, and already decided I can’t be forgiven. What I saw in my nightmare, was probably going to become true. Have I lost all hope, lost my mind? I just don’t even know right now but my heart does feel broken, I know that for sure. I deserve this? Lucas said I deserved this? Maybe he is right…