The way she makes me feel

Love or Lust

"Finally y'all are here!" My best friend Kevin said as Nic and I walked in. "Hey to you too." I giggle hugging him and his boyfriend Jackson. We're well into our game as our friend Amanda walks in with someone new *picture above* "What's up y'all , this is my best friend Camille hope y'all don't mind her being here." Amanda said I got a good look at Camille she was really pretty long brown her beautiful eyes full lips and body of a goddess. I looked and seen I wasn't the only one looking but the difference I wasn't gawking but the same can't be said for my girlfriend Nicole. "I'm going to get something to drink, want something baby?" I asked her as she stared at Camille "Huh? No bruh I'm good." She said licking her lips looking at Camille I leaned into kiss her about3 times she moved as if I was annoying her "Move bruh." She said aggravated. Keep it together Bre I said trying to give myself a mental pep talk as I broke down in the bathroom "babygirl.....are you okay?" Jackson asked softly knocking on the door "yes." I said opening the door forcing a smile "no you're not " he said pulling me into a hug within seconds I broke down.
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"So are you gay?" I asked Camille biting my lip "Yes" she said in a thick European accent Kevin scoffed. "You're fowl Nicole." He said throwing his cards down getting up. I got up went to the kitchen "what's your problem Kevin?" I asked he looked as if I asked him something disgusting. He chuckled "Tell me something....did you get dropped on your head as a child or just drink a can of stupid before you came?" He asked with nothing but pure anger he's the only guy that I can't get mad at "Shit" I said as I figured out what I had done "You're girlfriend deserves better." He said walking off I stood there looking dumb as ever as Bre walked in the kitchen grabbing a glass pouring Hennessy and Coca Cola that was her drink of choice when she's hurt beyond comprehension "Bre" I said no louder than a whisper she just looked at me with red puffy eyes with nothing but pure hurt in them " I'm sorry I wasn't thinking..." I said with my head down "You good.......bruh." she said as she walked out the kitchen "I'm leaving you can have this I haven't drunk any." Bre said to Kevin hugging him "Thank you for helping me Jackson." Bre said forcing a smile "Bre wait " I said walking out the door with her grabbing her arm gently she turned around with eyes full of tears "What?" She said emotionless "Please give me another chance please I'm sorry I wasn't thinking please." I said "You say that you're okay being in a stud for stud relationship but as soon as you get around a feminine girl you're totally different. I've put up with it for a while because this relationship was new for you, but I'm not going to keep having my feelings hurt because you want to acknowledge our relationship when no one is around Nicole I'm not someone that you can take off a shelf and polish when a girl isn't around but as soon as one comes you want to throw me to the back. Figure out what you want." Bre said in tears walking away. What have I done I may have lost the girl of my dreams over a female I don't even know......

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"Where did your mate go?" Camille asked me as I walked inside. I looked down I didn't realize how short she was but everyone was short compared to me "She left." I said very dry going out to the balcony looking down as I did I seen Bre leaving wiping her eyes walking at a fast pace I knew it was her because of her long black curly hair for the first time I felt nothing but pain and felt tears form this hasn't happened in a long time I really fucked up I thought as I wiped my eyes.
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"La'Brea the old me came out I don't know what happened I know what I did was cruel and I shouldn't have please." I said we been sitting at the dinner table for about 2 hours she's been forcing herself to be consumed in her work which wasn't being she has major cases coming up soon. "Look fam I have work to do, you wasn't worried about my feelings when you was taking off Cathy, Cindy whatever that broads name was clothes at Kevin and Jacksons.....so don't worry about them now." Bre said looking up from her laptop she had no emotion I haven't seen this look in her eye since her breakup with Audrey. I didn't think I hurt her that bad as I was deep in my thoughts I seen that she has her coping buddies beside her as she watched tv she only drinks and smokes when she wants to feel numb and hide pain. "You know what it really bothering me?" She asked scaring me out of my thoughts "what's that?" I asked with hesitation "That you demoted me down to your bruh but expect me to call you bae, baby, babe and most importantly.......daddy." she whispered in my ear going to the room shutting the door she was gone for a while but came back out in my football jersey that I don't use anymore since we have new ones and tube socks with her hair in a messy bun gosh she's beautiful how could I mistreat someone like her "that's a good question." She said as she cleaned up the apartment we share "Am I not good enough for you Nicole? Is that why you went to see Michelle and was gawking at ole girl? I may not be feminine but I'm still a female if that's what you want femininity then I'm not the girl for you Nicole plain and simple." She said going to lay in our guest room she stopped and looked at me saying "Just know that no girl will and can love you like I have. I've loved you since day one when you came to school with pigtails and coke bottle glasses, then acne and soft stud stage, and now the pro football player all the way back when I've loved you for you but if you can't get over the fact that I choose masculinity over femininity then we should've stayed friends." She finished as she closed the door leaving me in my thoughts.