Step by step

Chapter One

I shoot up from my bed, suddenly waking up from my nightmare. My fingers twitched and beads of sweat trailed down the length of my face, the cool liquid making the hairs on the back of my neck stand. Almost immediately, another body jerked from the bed and was sitting beside me, burying his face on the curve of my neck.

"Are you okay?" His words came out as a murmur. I could feel his lips moving against my skin, heating up at the very contact. My lower belly aching at his close proximity and making my body shake even more, though not from fear anymore but from lust.

"Yeah," I force down the forming lump in my throat.

"You sure?" He snuggled closer, pressing his whole face into my neck making me stiff and the twitching of my fingers stop. I couldn't open my mouth, afraid that what would come out was a moan and it'll give me away. Sensing my hesitation, he draws back, pushing my face to the side so I was facing him. "Ellie?"

I force whatever lust and passion that was clogging my rational senses deep down the darkest parts of my brain, into a vault made of iron and locked it in there, throwing the key into an abyss of forget. "Yup," I raise an eyebrow at him, smiling.

"When you smile like that, it makes me want to kiss you."

My heart stopped, and I think so did my brain but then I remembered, he was always a joker.

"Shut up, Matt." I slap a pillow into the side of his face and he laughed as he went down on the bed again, clutching the pillow I used to slap him with. "What time is it?" I brushed my hair back, the knots on my curly hair only tightening and I gave up before my scalp ached.

"Uh," He reached for his phone on the side table, a bright light of white shines on his charming face. His chiseled jaw tightening as his brown eyes squinted. "2:12 in the flipping morning." He groaned with his British accent only intensifying, making the already heavy atmosphere heavier. His voice always made me squirm and when he pressed his lips together, thinning it, and his jaw only tauting, it was enough to make any girl melt at his feet.

"You okay, Love?"

I release the breath I didn't even know I was holding in.

"Yeah, why?" I replace the empty space beside Matt, an arm slithering around my waist almost immediately. I look up to him, meeting his eyes, nearly kissing his softly shaped chin.

"You look tense." He commented, pinching my nose and I chuckled as I shake my face free. "Am not," I answered back burying my face at the base of his neck, feeling the bob of his Adam's apple. "Yeah you do." Kissing the top of my head.

It was one of those moments that I wanted to last, that I wanted to delude myself that this was real. Well, of course it was real, but I wanted an illusion that we were real. That we were a thing, not this best friend since childhood bullshit. I wanted him to kiss me goodnight, not tease a kiss. I wanted him to hug me, not tackle me to bed. I wanted him to say 'I love you' and mean it, not say 'I love you' and go out with another girl. I wanted him, I wanted him to sleep in my bed and feel the same passion and love and lust that I had for him.

But of course, like some old cliché story, this was a one sided love. I mean, what boy would sleep beside a girl and keep his hands to himself?

Suddenly, a harsh burst of light flooded the room. Matt immediately shielding both his eyes and mine from the strong white light burning both our eyes.

"Oh hey, Matt." Tom, my big brother, stood in all his glory by the doorway. His laboratory coat swung on his left arm and a small black bag held by his right hand. "I didn't know you were stayin tonight." He shrugged as his tense shoulders slowly relaxed. I could feel the heaviness of his stress and tire.

His weary eyes had red veins crawling on the sides probably from the lack of sleep he was getting from the hectic schedule he had from the hospital. "El? Can you fix me something to eat? Please." He didn't wait for me to answer and continued to trudge down the corridor towards his room.

"What do you want to eat? I have leftovers from the other day or would you want the Tandoori Chicken I made last night?" I called out to him as I slip away from Matt's grasp.

"Anything, please, and a cup of coffee." He answered back, barely audible from the volume of his already shouting voice. He had this soft voice even when yelling, it was one of the things I loved about him, he never seems to get angry.

"Okay," I peek into the corridor, his door wide open and the light from his room was the only thing illuminating the dark corridor. I went on downstairs when Tom didn't call for anymore requests and went straight for the kitchen, flicking the fluorescent lights open in the process.

I was busy reheating the other day's pasta and yesterday's chicken when Matt waltzed into the kitchen. "I'm hungry, too." Matt pouted as he positioned himself beside me.

"Then make food for yourself." I flick white sauce to his face and he dodged it skillfully, making it land on the counter. I pose my tongue out to him and he pinched it between his index finger and thumb. "Hey!" I mumbled as I pushed him back.

The microwave made a loud ting! stopping me before I could even smack the living lights out of Matt. I turned around and faced the microwave, carefully pulling out the bowl and replacing it with the chicken. Matt hugged me from behind, wrapping his hands around my waist, drawing patterns on the sides of my hips creating an inevitable sensation shooting from my lower abdomen up my spine tingling the sweet spot on my neck.

I shake him off, pushing him against the corridor in a rather harsh manner. My actions took even me in surprise, I stood in front of him, stunned, quite matching the shock expression on his face. My face started to heat up and I ransack my brain for a good excuse.

"Don't scare me like that." I murmured trying to sound as convincing as possible, turning my back to him, praying to god he wouldn't do it again. And thanked the heavens he didn't. I felt him move from where he was towards the other end of the kitchen, plugging the water heater into the convenience outlet.

"Sorry," He scratched his head sheepishly, gave a cheeky smile my way and my cheeks heated to boiling point as I turned my face away from him. That smile, those eyes, the way he stood, it was all too much for me. I have to put up with this for as long as I can remember. I didn't even know when I knew that I love him but it was between sixth or seventh grade, probably freshmen year, when his eyes started twinkling as his thin red lips had a smile grazing upon it while his slender arms stretched down his sides with his hands shoved into his pocket.

I could remember the day everything went slow motion, but it definitely wasn't the day that I knew I love him. It was way long before, I just ignored it with so much willpower that I had saved none to resist his boyish charms today.

It was a first day of school. He was wearing this cute three-buttoned white long-sleeves shirt, two buttons were undone, and black shorts paired with the most turn on brown penny loafers. We agreed to meet by the second gate but I got bored and sat across the field, under the Oak tree, and told him to go there instead. He didn't put up a fuss about having to cross the field under the scorching sun and then walking back to our building again, he just agreed and let me have my way. Like he always did.

He walked across the field in those clothes, with those mesmirizing eyes and those sweetly shaped lips. I felt my own heart beat, like I was holding it in my hands. The beating so loud and clear, ringing beside my ear, my palms sweating like crazy and even if I didn't see it, I knew my pupils dilated a hundred times more than possible.

"Ellie." Matt's heavy hand landed on my shoulder, startling me.

"What?"

"Food? Tom's getting a little cranky." He pushed a cup across the counter towards me, in it was a steaming cup of black coffee.

"Did you put a tiny speck of cream?"

"Yeah, and two cubes of sugar." He grinned proudly, making my heart skip another beat.

"Okay," Was all I managed to choke out of myself, he had been staring at me again with those eyes, those big beautiful eyes of his. I swallowed the thick saliva clogging my throat. "Help me?"

"Gladly." He half-smiled, winking at me.

My heart nearly died.