I'll Be Seeing You

O Holy Night

Jimmy's Point Of View

Christmas Eve it was our first Christmas as man and wife and I was determined to make it special for my little Phoebs knowing that this would be the last one with her Mam why was life so bloody cruel, why did he upstairs have to take her why not take her bloody father who no one would really miss for Gods sake after all he'd done.

Violet was trying so hard to be happy but I could see it was breaking her heart knowing she'd never meet her grandchild. We were all heading to church for the carol service as we had always done ever since we was kids I can always remember holding Phoebes hand in the dark when we were teenagers she never stopped me and then once we fell in love we would do the same cloaked in the darkness of the church with the only light coming from the candles that everyone carried.

But now we didn't have to hide it anymore, we were doing the same as any other married couple were doing and yet my own fears kept coming back to me that in a few days again I would be snatched away back to that......that hell and that's what it was and it scared me, scared me deep down in my gut, a fear i'd never known and yet the thought that something could happen to me and I would never see Phoebe or our baby christ I suddenly knew how Vi felt.

"You alright Jimmy" Phoebe whispers to me as we sit down waiting to go up and light our candles "I'm fine gel really what better place to be with my beautiful wife hey" I say to her and she gives us that corker of a smile that makes me heart skip.

O Come all Ye Faithful
Joyful and Triumphant
O come Ye O come Ye to Bethlehem
Come and behold him born the king of Angels

The Carol plays as we all make a line up to the altar the altar at which not that long ago me and Phoebs were wed the best day of my life and the next will be the day our little un is born. We walk to the front and place our tiny candles to the flame of the one at the altar the reflection of the which shines in my gels eyes making me smile. I take her hand in mine as we slowly walk back to our seats sitting just that little bit closer than we had done before.

I ain't really sure what the Vicar said altogether but the idea that we need to be thankful for what we have and to believe in miracles was summit what was there and yet how could I do as he said how.

Once the service was over we head back to my Mam and Dads where we would spend Christmas as a family, Phoebe's Mam was with us too, how could she be so brave or was it all for Phoebs

"Well now how's about a drop of summit to keep the cold out hey" Dad says as we all get back to the house. He pours everyone a glass as we all gather around the fire "now I ain't one for public speaking as you know" Dad starts and we all laugh "pull the other one will ya Ted" Mam says to him "never short of summit to say usually" Nan says and we all laugh

"Things" he starts "Things ain't  as they were and I dare say we've got some tough times ahead" he says "but tonight lets just thank him upstairs for what we have hey, I've been lucky enough to find myself a good woman" he says raising his glass to Mam "and she has given me two fine boys" he says as I grab the little un by his scruff "and to see my eldest boy marry the gel he has loved all his life makes me that proud lad it does" me and Phoebe smile at him "and to watch you now become a father yourself is worth it's weight in gold" he says "come what may lets smile for today Merry Christmas all" he says "Merry Christmas" we all say back to him. Phoebe looks at me with them soft eyes of hers melting my heart I didn't want to leave her I didn't want to go back Jesus this was so bloody hard.

Everyone headed off to bed, I'd tucked Phoebe in as she was tired but I couldn't sleep a wink so I wander downstairs the last embers of the fire are burning giving off enough heat. I sit in the armchair by the fire looking at the glow. I lift my hand up from the chairs arm and spot it shaking a shake I can't stop, it makes me wanna cry what was this doing to me I'm not a real man.
"Jimmy" a sweet voice says from the door "Phoebs I thought you were in bed darling" I say to her "it's cold without ya" she tells me as she comes over to me kneeling at my feet  "what's up Jimmy" she asks "nothing's up gel" I say "don't lie to me" she says gently "there is summit bothering ya I know there is" she tells me "and this" she says picking up my hand that is still shaking.
"Tell me what happened Jimmy please" she asks he eyes plead with me and I start to sob "Phoebs" I whisper to her "it's like you can't imagine" I start "the fear, the noise, the death" I say as she takes my quivering hand in hers and holds it to my face "on our last mission my mate Dafydd that I told you about" I say "he...he didn't come back Phoebs" I say crying like a little boy "he was with me till the end but they caught him I watched him die in a ball of fire" I sob "I had to come back I had to leave him wherever he was" I say "Oh Jimmy" she says crying with me "I'm scared Phoebs" I tell her "how pathetic is that" I say and she shakes her head "it ain't you care, you're an old softie deep down Jimmy it's why I love ya, but what you gotta tell yourself is, it ain't gonna happen, they ain't gonna have ya because you've got us to come home to" she says touching her little belly. We both suddenly look at the clock as it starts chiming midnight "it's Christmas Day Jimmy" she says "Merry Christmas my darling" I say to her before she comes to sit in my lap for me to cradle her in my arms as it should be