Beautiful Lives

Chapter 14

Chapter 14 – Brand New (Ben Rector)

When I got home that night, I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to be sad. Of course, it all came crashing back down on me the second Nate's car pulled out of the driveway, but I still walked into the house with a bubbling feeling of happiness in my chest.

He loved me. I'd never expected to be so excited to hear those words, but we'd only been together for a short time, and even though I knew everything was accelerated because of the cancer, I knew he'd meant it. I'd never been in love with anyone before, but for some reason I knew deep within my heart that this was what it was supposed to feel like. And I was elated.

"How was your night?" my thoughts were interrupted by a quiet voice echoing from the dark living room as I walked through the house. I froze, and turned to see my mother perched on the couch, her legs crossed neatly as she tapped her fingertips together.

"It was nice, actually," I said. I walked into the room, and took a seat beside her, tucking my legs up underneath me and leaning back against the cushions.

"And you're feeling okay?" I shrugged.

"I guess so, as well as can be expected," I said.

"No fever?" she asked, and I shook my head. "Did you get dinner?"

"I'm not hungry," I responded, and she sighed heavily, but didn't press any further.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, before I started thinking again, but this time it wasn't about the cancer. I thought about Nate's story from earlier in the week, and the memory gave me chills. I couldn't even imagine the kind of pain he must have felt losing his dad. It made me want to hold onto my mom and never let go.

"Mom?" I finally said. She shifted slightly so she could wrap her arms around my shoulder, and pull me in close to her.

"Yeah, baby?" she rubbed my arm absentmindedly, like it was the most natural movement in the world for her. It probably was – even with everything she'd been through; she'd made it crystal clear that Ryder and I were her top priority. She didn't shut down after our dad left her, she didn't freak out when she couldn't find enough work to pay the bills. In fact, I could argue that the only somewhat selfish thing my mother had ever done was accept the position in Pennsylvania and ask us to move, but even that was a well-deserved opportunity, and it had turned out just fine for all three of us.

"I'm sorry I was so hard on you when we were moving," I said. She laughed quietly, the sound wrapping over me like a familiar, comforting blanket.

"That is not something you need to worry about," she said, gently. "I understand why it was hard for you, and you really weren't that bad anyways,"

"I know, but I should have been more supportive. I mean it ended up being the best thing that ever happened to us. And you're happier, I can tell. Am I right?" she hesitated for a moment before answering.

"Yes, Lexi, I'm much happier. But I want you to understand that you and your brother were never insufficient for me. I always knew that as long as I had you, my life would be complete. But it is nice to have another one of my dreams come true as well,"

"I'm really glad we came here," I said. She nodded, thoughtfully.

"I am too," she said. "And thank you for saying all of this, it's nice to hear,"

"I really love you, mom," I said, tears leaking out of my eyes. My mom gently brushed the hair out of my face, her eyes scanning me with concern.

"I love you too, sweetheart, you know that," she said. "What brought this on? Was it the doctor today?"