Beautiful Lives

Chapter 26

Chapter 26 – You and Me (Lifehouse)

The night started to draw to a close, and even though we hadn't spent too much time on the dance floor, I had no regrets. It had been an unforgettable day, and I wished it never had to end.

The DJ announced the last slow song of the night, and our group broke off into couples. I held back while they took the floor, unsure of whether I had enough energy to join them.

"Come on you," Nate said, holding out his hand to me. "Dance with me?"

I was getting tired, but I didn't want to say no. He pulled me out of my chair, and carried my oxygen tank as we made our way onto the hardwood floor in the center of the room.

He wrapped one of his arms securely around my waist, and I leaned my head on his shoulder, taking deep breaths of air to keep myself steadied. He pressed his lips to the crown of my head as the music started to build.

"So what did you think?" he asked. 'Was it what you wanted?"

"It was amazing," I said. He laughed softly.

"You're doing really well," he said, smiling proudly. "I didn't think you'd have enough energy to last this long,"

"What can I say," I shrugged. "I'm just that impressive,"

"You are," he said, suddenly serious. "I mean it. You must be in so much pain, but you're still here and standing because you decided you wanted to be, and I just really don't think most people could do that,"

"I'm not just cancer," I explained. "I mean, sure, it's a part of me, and that's scary, but I'm still a whole person without it. I'm Lexi Williams. A few months ago, I was Lexi Williams without cancer, and now I'm Lexi Williams with cancer, but I'm not a different person. And I guess a lot of people, when they get to this stage, start to think that all there is left of them is a tumor and some chemicals, but that's just not true. I lost sight of that for a little while, but now... it's more important than anything,"

"If I were in your place, i don't think I could be so optimistic,"

"I don't know," I arched my back, and felt a few of my joints pop, instantly relieving a bit of the pain. "Maybe you have to be dying to understand. Too bad you're not, it definitely clears your head," I winked to try and make it funny, but Nate shook his head.

"No, don't even joke about that," he said, his eyebrows furrowing. "This isn't funny, Lex,"

"Relax," I said, reaching up to run my hands through his hair. "We all have to find a way to deal with this, I guess I just enjoy using a little humour sometimes,"

"I get it," he said. "I just wish you didn't have to,"

"I know," I leaned my head against his chest, and we swayed to the music in silence for a minute.

"Thank you for this," I said, trying to cheer him up. "As far as last dances go, it's pretty perfect,"

"It doesn't have to be the last one," he said.

"Nate..." I sighed. "I can't really afford to be unrealistic anymore. It's only going to make this harder,"

"But it's so fast," he said, tears clouding his eyes. "I just got you back, I'm not ready to say goodbye yet,"

"No one is saying goodbye yet," I promised him. "I still have some time,"

"And are we just going to waste it pretending like nothing is about to change?" he asked, stopping mid-movement. His eyes pierced into me like daggers, and I suddenly had a cold feeling in my chest. We'd just gotten back together, were we about to break up again?

"What do you mean?" I asked. "What would you rather do?"

"Let's get married," he blurted, and before I could stop myself, I laughed.

"Nate, I love you, sweetie, but we can't get married." his face fell, and I placed my hand on the side of his face, gently rubbing his cheek with my thumb. "Listen, I know it sounds like a good idea, but it's not right. People think that when someone is sick the way that I am, the only way to make everyone happy is to cram a lifetime of experience into the months they have left. But it doesn't work like that. If I'm going to die sixteen, then I'm going to die sixteen. I'm not going to be married, or have kids. If I die, then I'm not going to die settled down and living in a retirement home. I just didn't get dealt that hand,"

Nate let out a long, low breath, before pulling me back into him, swaying gently to the music that was starting to fade out. He pressed my hand to his mouth, and kissed my knuckles gently.

"That doesn't mean we can't dream about it," he said, his voice so quiet I almost couldn't hear it.

"For what it's worth," I whispered back, "If I weren't sick, I could see us having a life someday too,"

"You know," he said. "Miracles happen. You might survive,"

I didn't correct him. Inthat moment, we both needed some hope.