Beautiful Lives

Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Smooth Criminal (Michael Jackson/Glee)

One of my most vivid memories from childhood was the day my parents took us to the zoo.

It had been a long drive to get there, and even though it was so hot we could barely breathe, we were all strangely tranquil for some reason. Even though Ryder and I usually hated long car trips, we had been completely content to watch out the window, and let our parents fiddle with the radio and talk in the front seat.

The zoo itself was crowded and sweaty, but Ryder and I got to feed the giraffes, and our parents bought us pop (they'd raised us to be health nuts, so soda was just about the last thing we'd ever expected to have), so we didn't complain about a thing.

I don't remember how the fight started, but somewhere in between the polar bear exhibit and the gift shop, our parents began bickering. It might have been about who paid for parking, or who forgot the sunscreen, but in the end, it didn't matter what the fight was about. We drove home in silence, with Ryder and I scared to speak and make things worse, and our parents refusing to speak to each other.

That night, when my mother tucked me in, I'd looked up at her with the biggest sad eyes I could muster, and asked her why she had fought with my father on such a perfect day. She took a few minutes to answer, but when she did, she said something I'd never forget.

"Things go wrong, no matter how good they seem. Life is not a movie, Lexi,"

For some reason, those words stuck in my head for years. Whenever something bad would happen, I would repeat them back to myself, over and over, until the pain became bearable.

So, when I saw Nate and Sydney kissing in the middle of the storm cellar, my mind went blank except for one thought that I couldn't shut up.

Life is not a movie.

I knew Nate had had no reason to like me in the first place. We had no history together, no connection of any kind, no solid friendship, none of the foundations that a relationship required.

That's why I couldn't understand why I couldn't get the words out of my mind. The mantra my mother had given me was something I saved for times of extreme desperation, for days where I felt like sadness was crushing me into oblivion. No boy was worth that phrase. I'd promised myself that I would never let someone else define me to the point where they would earn it.

So where did it come from?

* * *

We weren't allowed out of the storm shelter until almost 6:00 that night. I hadn't expected them to hold us past the end of the school day, but according to the teachers, the weather was so unsafe, no one was supposed to leave their homes until the storm warning was lifted.

Nate and Sydney had disappeared shortly after the incident, and so I'd spent the rest of the time sitting in the corner, alternating between scrolling through old texts on my phone, and staring blankly into space.

I walked outside, and immediately found my brother, pulling him away from his friends and towards the parking lot.

"Woah, slow down!" he protested, digging his heels into the gravel as I marched towards our mother's car.

"I just want to go home, Ryder," I snapped.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked. "You were all sad and miserable this morning, and now you're grouchy mcgroucherson, what happened today?"