Beautiful Lives

Chapter 28

Chapter 28 – How to Say Goodbye (Michael W. Smith)

It was nearly 2:30 a.m. when we finally vacated the cafe. I texted Ryder and asked him to pick me up, and he responded only seconds later, telling me that he was on his way.

I hugged Juliet first. Even though I didn't know her particularly well, she'd never been anything but kind to me, and I was grateful for the way she'd accepted me into their little group.

"Thanks for letting me come to your prom," she said, smiling brightly.

"I'm really glad you came," I responded, before moving on to Adam who was standing right next to her.

"Thanks for all the jam sessions," I whispered, as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Hey, they're not over yet," he promised.

"Damn straight they're not," Toby interjected, giving me one of his almost unbearably tight bear hugs. "You'd better be there on Monday,"

"I will," I promised. I leaned over to Ragan next, and he smiled blindingly while he hugged me.

"Oh Lex," he said, "You're fabulous,"

"Only because I have you to guide me," I assured him, which made him laugh.

The last three people were the hardest to say goodbye to. Since Maya was standing next to Ragan, I moved onto her next.

"Lex..." she whispered, grabbing onto me tightly. "Just so you know, you're my best friend in the whole world,"

"I love you so much," I said, a lump forming in my throat.

"I love you too," she said, before finally letting go of me.

I almost lost it when Sebastian leaned over to kiss my cheek and hug me, but I forced myself to smile as he held onto me.

"You do know," he said so quietly that I almost couldn't hear him, "That you saved my life, right?"

A single tear escaped from the corner of my eye.

"You accepted me for who I was, and you're the only reason I was brave enough to come out, and that I'm finally happy now. I love you so much, Lexi,"

"You're amazing Sebastian, never forget that, okay? I love you." he nodded, his eyes welling with tears, before he finally let me go, and I moved on to the final person I had to say goodnight to.

Nate and I stared at each other for almost a full minute before he finally took the step he needed to reach me, and kissed me firmly. I held onto him with everything I had left, the world melting away. When we finally broke apart for air, he tilted my chin upwards so that he could ensure I was looking him in the eye.

"I love you," he said, and even though we didn't really need to say anything else, I didn't want to let go of him, so I leaned my head on his chest, and aligned my breathing to his.

"Life's not a movie," I finally said. "You know I told myself that when you and Sydney got back together?"

"Really?" he laughed a little bit, even though tears were tracing his cheekbones.

"Yeah," I pressed my lips together in a tiny smile. "It was stupid, I barely even knew you, but I think I felt something between us right from the start,"

"You weren't the only one," he promised.

"I love you too," I finally said. "And just so you know? Life may not be a perfect movie, but I think that's okay. I think it's better – it's real, and it's hard, and..." I shook my head, looking from person to person. "It's so beautiful. We made it beautiful."

Ryder pulled up to the curb, and I let go of Nate to get into the car. I couldn't say anything else, and I knew that I really didn't need to. Everything important had been said.

As we drove away, I waved one last goodbye to everyone still standing on the sidewalk, before leaning back in my seat, unable to stop the tears from flowing from my eyes.

"Hey, you'll see them on Monday," Ryder reminded me, his voice low.

"Yeah," I wiped my cheeks until they were dry, reminding myself to be brave. "I know I will,"

Of course he was right - I was only saying goodbye for the weekend. On Monday, I'd go back to school, and see everyone again.

But as we got closer and closer to the house, my energy started to fade, and the truth dawned on me - many people who are terminally ill seem to get a last surge of life right before death, where it seems as though they are their old selves for a few hours, maybe an evening. If the night had been my own surge, then there was no denying what was coming next.