Beautiful Lives

Chapter 12

Chapter 12 – Down to the Second (Zach Berkman)

Doctors lie. They lie all the time, about how good the outlook is for a patient, about how much a procedure is going to hurt, about how well someone is pulling through a surgery. It's just a known fact, and as a kid who spent most of her time in hospitals while growing up, it was one I'd come to expect.

But, even with my understanding of the deceptive arts doctors practiced, I still somehow expected my results to come in the day after my tests were done. Of course, "you should know soon" is the biggest piece of bullshit a doctor can possibly come up with, but for some reason, I hoped that it was maybe the one time they chose to tell the truth.

We didn't hear back about my test results until Thursday, and they didn't even call in the morning when we could have rearranged the day to accommodate the trip to the hospital. No, instead they called my mother at noon and asked her to bring me in ASAP, which resulted in a hurried exchange of phone calls with her and my brother, and a dramatic exit from the school during lunch period, complete with hugging, kissing, and a lot of tears.

Ryder and I piled back into the car, as my mom sped towards the hospital, chattering nervously about how unprofessional it was to put off telling us this news for as long as they did. As she ranted, I let my mind wander to the edges of my imagination, thinking through every possible worst-case scenario that could happen over the next few months.

I kept the window rolled down, and my hand trailing through the wind outside the car – a simple little thing that always relaxed me. The air had gotten warm over the past few weeks, and with four months left of school; I could feel summer calling us from right around the corner.

By the time we got to the hospital, I was totally zoned out, thinking about all of the amazing things I would have done during the summer if everything weren't going south with my cancer. I didn't entirely focus back in on the situation at hand until I was seated in a chair across from the doctor, everyone's eyes on her as she drummed her fingers nervously against the desk.

"Well Lexi, I have your test results back," she said. "And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they've come back positive,"

I shut my eyes, blocking out everything she was saying. I could vaguely feel my mom grabbing at my hand, and Ryder putting his arm around my shoulders, but I couldn't register anything. My mind was swirling in a million different directions, and the jumbled mess of emotions was destroying the possibility of anything resembling rational thought.

"Wait a minute," I finally said, cutting Dr. Nightingale off mid-sentence, and gripping the handles of my chair, sitting forward so I could push off and run if I had to. "Are you serious?"

"I'm serious," Dr. Nightingale responded. "And I'm sorry,"

"I was almost in the clear," I said, my voice catching. "How is this happening?"

"Lex," my mom said gently. "It's going to be okay. This isn't a surprise,"

"I know, I know," I said, blinking back tears as furiously as I could. "I thought maybe we were wrong,"

"I hoped you were," Dr. Nightingale said. "But at least we're getting it early,"

"So what happens now?" I asked.

"We go in with chemo. Starting on Monday, if that's okay with you and your mom," Dr. Nightingale said. "It's going to be tough for a little while, but with high intensity treatments, we stand a better chance,"

"Right, okay," I muttered, not really paying attention to the words as they came out of my mouth.

"Is there anything else you wanted to ask about, or discuss today?" Dr. Nightingale asked. I shook my head.