Secrets [m. clifford]

- 26 -

sorry for taking so long again

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I'm seated in Ashton's hospital room, waiting for him to wake up, again. I'm scared of how he'll react.

After what happened with Michael last night I wanted to talk to Ashton.

"He's waking up." Becca whispers.

"Can you leave us, so I can talk to him?" I ask her.

She nods and leaves the room.

"Who's there?" Ashton groggily questions, not opening his eyes.

"It's Grace..." I mutter.

"Get out." He replies.

"Please, just listen to me." I beg.

"I don't want to hear it." He says as he sits up.

"I'm so sorry, Ashton. This wasn't supposed to be like this and I just feel-"

He rolls his eyes, "I don't give a shit, Grace. Go ahead, fuck him all you want, you already were behind my back for months anyways."

"Well Michael and I aren't really together right now..." I whisper.

"W-what?" He asks, seeming sympathetic.

"Don't you dare feel sorry for me because it's your fault." I spit.

He doesn't speak, he just looks down.

"You know what? I wanted to come here and talk to you about what happened with Michael's last girlfriend because it's hurting me. But you're hurting me just as much." I add, standing up.

"Wait." He says.

I glare at him, "What?"

"Why did you guys end it?" I mumbles.

Sitting back down, I sigh, "We're just taking a break right now. I need to think. Becca told me what happened with his last girlfriend..."

"I don't want to see you get hurt by him like that." He replies.

"Do you really think he would?" I ask.

"He's done it before, what stopping him from doing it again?" Ashton retorts.

"I don't want to end it with him, I just- I don't know. I love him..." I reply, quietly saying the last part.

"You what?" Ashton questions.

"I-I love him, okay? I can't just stop loving him because of this. I mean, I don't know if I want to be with him because of it, but I love him. If that makes sense? I'm such a fucking idiot." I choke out, trying not to cry.

"Don't expect me to be perfectly okay with you guys doing this just because you're crying." Ashton mutters.

"I'm just confused, sorry." I sniffle.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles.

"Don't feel sorry for me! Yea, I just found out my boyfriend cheated on and hit his last girlfriend, but it's your fault I know! So if you even think, about feeling sorry for me I fucking swear, Ashton-"

"Grace." He interrupts.

"What?" I snap.

"All I wanted was to make sure he wasn't going to hurt you." He whispers.

"He never has, I didn't think he ever would. The only person hurting me is you." I reply.

He doesn't say anything and I scoff as I make my way out of the room.

"Grace? Are you alright?" Becca asks as I walk right by here.

"Whatever, I'm fine Bec." I mutter.

She sighs, knowing she should just leave me alone.

I have no clue what to do.

As I'm walking through the hospital I notice Calum and Michael.

Turning around and walking the other way, trying to go unnoticed.

I failed, since Michael calls for me.

"Please, just leave me alone." I beg.

"Can we just talk about this?" He quietly asks as he runs up to me.

"Michael, I need some time." I whisper, "Please..."

He sighs, "Fine, whatever. Fine."

I go to walk away but he stops me, "And, Grace?"

"What?" I ask, getting annoyed.

"Please, just remember that I love you and I would never do anything like that to you." He whispers.

I don't reply, I turn and walk off, trying to make sure the tears welling in my eyes don't spill.

-

"Grace?" Becca calls as she knocks at my bedroom door.

"What?" I ask.

"Michael spoke to me at the hospital today." She replies.

"I really don't want to talk about him. I don't want to hear what he has to say." I mumble.

"I understand. I just wanted to let you know in case." She tells me.

I sigh, "He probably just told you he loves me and wants to stay with me."

"A-actually, He said it's probably better for now that you stay apart, for Ashton's sake." She whispers.

"He-he did?" I question, barely audible.

"For the one who ended it with him you sure seem upset." She mumbles.

"Oh, y-yea. It's fine, yea, fine." I mutter, trying not to sound upset.

"So you're okay?" She asks.

I roll my eyes, "Totally."

"Grace, you said to him you guys should take a break, you can't get mad..." She whispers.

"I'm so fucking confused." I mutter. "I thought he loves me? I love him... Why are we breaking up?"

"I think, he thinks that you wanted this, so he's trying to make you happy."

"But I don't know what I want." I reply.

"This is the second time you've broken up, maybe it wasn't meant to be."

I nod, "You're right."

"I am?"

"We've broken up before, clearly this break up is mutual, it's done. Michael and I are over."

"Grace..."

"No. I think I want to go back to university. In a different country. I want to change my life, Becca. I want a change so badly." I whisper.

"But, Grace..."

"You wouldn't hate me, right? You'd let me go?"

"I guess so. I don't want to ever be the reason you don't do what you want in life. But where is this coming from?"

"It seems sudden, but I've always wanted to leave. I feel like now is a good time to get ready for that, you know? Move and then start school as soon as possible."

"You're just going to leave then? Like that? Out of nowhere?" She chokes out.

I nod, "It's not like I'm going tomorrow. I've gotta talk to mum first and stuff. I'm sorry, Bec."

"It's okay." She sniffles, pulling me into a hug. "I- I'm happy for you."

"It'll be okay, don't cry."

She pulls away from me, quickly wiping her eyes, "I'll just miss having you and Ashton around all the time."

I weakly smile, "You'll be fine with mum. You can't avoid change, we'll make it through, we'll all be happy, Bec. Ashton will do what he loves, I'll get a new start, and you'll finish school soon and this isn't for a while..... But it's all working out."

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hi, I luv y'all.