Secrets [m. clifford]

- 33 -

"It's been a month, and you've gotten so much done. I'm terrified. You're leaving us and I'm not okay." Bec mumbles, pacing around my room.

"Bec, relax. Please, I- I'm sorry I-"

"I'm gonna miss you." She interrupts.

"I'm going to miss you so much too, it'll be really hard at first." I tell her as she sits next to me.

"Please don't forget I'll still be here."

"We still have a month together, it'll be okay."

She frowns, "I'm gonna go take a nap."

I weakly smile at her as she leaves my room.

Deciding to talk to Ashton, I head to his room.

"Ashton?" I call, entering his room.

"Hey, Grace." He smiles.

"I need your help." I mumble.

"What's wrong?" He asks, still staring at his phone.

"I don't know what to do with Bec. She's making me not want to go and... I just can't leave with her like this."

"Don't you dare give this up. You're going. I'm not letting you fuck up because you feel bad." He says, finally looking up at me.

I sigh, "I don't want to be the reason she's upset, Ashton. She doesn't want me to go."

"You can't let her stop you from leaving. You both were so upset when I left for those few months with the band, but I had to go. I knew it would be good for me, and I had always wanted to do this. You've wanted to go back to school, you've wanted to leave. This will do so much for you. You can't not go because she's upset."

"I don't know..."

"Is this why you still haven't told Michael? Because you don't want to go?" He asks.

"I want to go. I just feel bad about Bec. I haven't told him because I'm not ready to."

"When will you be ready? When you're halfway through your first year at university?" He laughs.

"Stop..." I whine, frowning at him.

"Well, you don't seem like you're going to tell him, so..."

"I will!"

"Do you want me to tell him after you leave? Because I can. You're being-"

"Ashton. I'll tell him. I need to tell him."

"So are you gonna go do that?" He asks.

"I will. When I'm ready."

"You better hurry up and be ready soon." He chuckles, going back to him phone.

I groan, "You're the worst."

"Yea, you're welcome for the advice." He mutters.

"Love you!" I call, leaving his room.

"Whatever!" He replies.

I chuckle, heading downstairs.

"Grace, sweetie, how are you?"

"I'm doing okay. Just trying to make everybody else happy."

"What about you, are you happy?"

I sigh, sitting next to her, "I guess."

"Grace..."

"Mum, it's just, I can't be happy when everybody's sad I'm leaving." I reply.

"You should be happy though, because you're doing what you want."

I frown, "I should be. But I just feel bad. If I was happy I'd feel bad for being happy."

She sighs, "Grace, I know I always say to put others first but you have to do stuff for yourself sometimes, you should know that."

"I can't help it. Why is this so hard? It wasn't meant to be this hard." I mumble.

"Just forget about everybody else. Have fun for your last month here. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks."

"I'll try my best. I don't know if it's going to work, but I'll try, I guess." I mumble.

"Go spend time with Michael. Or Leah. Okay?"

I nod, "Thanks, mum."

Deciding I'll go see Michael, I get in my car and head to his place.

When I get to his room, he's half asleep, all curled up in his bed.

"There's my pretty girlfriend." He mumbles.

I chuckle, "Hey, Michael."

"Can we cuddle for like, the next two months? Just don't do anything for two months, except cuddle with me, okay, Grace?"

"I wish we could."

He pouts, and I know he thinks I mean I wish we could but we both have stuff to do. But I mean I leave in a month, I really wish I could just cuddle him.

-

"Hey, Bec? You wanna watch a movie or something?" I ask, entering the house.

"Uh, I'm going out, I can't."

"But weren't you just saying-"

"Grace, I have to go meet Luke it's- shit. Bye!" She exclaims, rushing out of the house.

"What? Why are you seeing him!?" I call, but she ignores me.

"She's acting weird, and I bet it's because you're leaving." Ashton says, walking downstairs.

I roll my eyes, "Thanks for making me feel better."

"Shit- I'm sorry. Let's go do something."

I sigh, "I would, but I just- I need a nap or something. I still haven't told Michael. I can't do it. I- I-" I stop, because I know if I continue I'll cry.

"Grace..."

"I'm sorry." I choke out, barely audible, rushing past him to my room.

"No, Grace!" He calls, catching the door before I close it.

"Please, leave me, alone." I cry.

"No. I don't want you to be sad. I don't want you upset because you're trying to be happy." He mumbles, pulling me into a hug.

"It's so hard. I can't do it. I shouldn't go, I should just stay home."

"No. You're going. I'm not letting anybody ruin this for you. I'm proud of you, and I want you to go." He replies.

"You're the only one..."

He pulls out of our hug, "I'm not. Mum supports you, Leah supports you, Bec does too, she just shows it in a weird way. Michael would support you too, but I understand you're nervous."

"I'm just going to nap, or something. I'm sorry, Ashton. I really can't do this right now." I mumble.

He nods, "Okay, don't worry too much."

I weakly smile at him as he leaves my room, and I climb into bed, trying to stop thinking about this just for a little bit.

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I wish this was better. luv u.