Deadly Desires

Chapter 18

Marley grabbed a wheelchair and helped me get in. My head was spinning as we walked to Nicole's room. When we entered I didn't notice Nicole at all. I thought we were in the wrong room but then she turned towards me. She looked as if she was in so much pain and I could feel my heart break again. Marley wheeled me over to her and I laid my head on her lap.

"The nurse said her ribs punctured her lungs. Shawna she's hanging on by an inch."

I became very angry with her. "Get the fuck out! I don't want to see your face right now. Leave! Go! Don't fucking come back." with that Marley was gone.

I laid my head on her and wept for a good five minutes. Other than my sobs it was quiet. All I could here was the sound of the machine. I looked up and Nicole's eyes were closed. I managed to stand up and look down on her. I put my hands in her's.

"Baby you'll make it." I pulled the box out of my pocket and took the ring out. I kissed it then gently placed it on her ring her finger. I got down on one knee.

"Nicole Marie Rogers will you marry me.

Her machine went flat lined and I just stayed on my knee's thinking it was a dream.

I stayed there and cried a river of tears I had been holding in since I was 17. I cried for my mom, I cried for my sexual orientation, I cried for Nicole, I cried for myself, I cried for all the lives I had taken even Breonna's.

My life was meaninglessness now. There's nothing more to live for. Fuck the money, Fuck the hoes, and Fuck the streets. Fuck this life! Although this feels like a dream I see my reality. I could hear the nurses telling me she's gone. Losing my balance as I walked into the hallway, I could feel myself letting go of my very own life. It's over.

I still can't believe she's gone. Looking at her casket being lowered into the ground my heart was getting buried with her. I no longer have a heart or a reason to care. I got into my camaro and headed to the hotel where Nicole and I first made love. Curling up in the bed I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I took another shot of the gin I had on the nightstand. I dialed Alley's number.

"Yo Alley, I just wanted to say I appreciate you for everything you ever done for me. You were like a father to me. I love you."

"Shawna, I love you too. Sorry about your girl. If you need me, you know how to reach me."

I got $400,000 dollars in the basement buried in the floor. It's yours."

I hung up the phone and dropped it in the cup of gin. I grabbed my .45 from the head of the bed and my clip. Without any other thoughts my life flashed before my eyes within seconds.