Catching Fire: You and Me

Chapter 34:

"So, Peeta." Ceaser asks, fixing the collar on his shining green emerald jacket so it lays just right. "how are you doing?" he tries to sound sincere.

"honestly? i haven't been able to come to terms with it yet." i say running my hand through my hair again- i think its become a bad coping habbit of mine.

"do you blame yourself in any way for what happened?" you can feel the deep silence of the crowds, all just waiting to hear what i'll say next.

"i dont know. i thought i had set her off the edge, but it turns out that she'd been planning it long before then and was ready to jump before then."

"you said you thought you had set her off. what exactly happened?" he asked.

"i loved her. more than anything." i stammer. "but something went wrong, and i have no choice but to take full responsibility for what i did."

"why, did you hurt her?" he asks me.

"you could say that..." i mutter shamefully.

"and if she was here right now, what would you say to her?"

"i would tell her what she told me in those last few moments."

"and what was that?" he asks.

"that if anything happened to her, i could never bring myself to be with anyone else. not after all of this."

he nodds his head, observantly. "so what would you say was you and her's 'status' so to say?"

"it was the strongest connection two people could possibly have." i say straight out. "i think that's pretty obvious."

"i know there was never anything official, but would you consider yourselves to have been married?"

"yes."

"and knowing that you come from District 12, how would people have reacted to your relationship with someone from the Capitol?" he asks.

"it doesnt matter where someone came from, all that matters is who they are." i say softly. "i never could have imagined someone like her. and i just wish she was here for me to tell her that."

"is it strange to you; talking about her like it was something in the past?"

"maybe. someone said i needed to move on and put it behind me." i say hindering Haymitch's words from yesterday "but i think if i ever moved on, i would be disrespecting her."

"do you think she wants to watch you spend the rest of your life hurting becase she's gone? do you really think she would want that for you?"

"well then i guess the real question is how much longer that life will last."

"what are you implying?" he asks skeptically.

"lets face it, me and her have always come out together. we've always both survived. i mean, you lose one, why not lose the other?" i admit. "its kind of a two person deal, if she dies, i'm not going to just go on living without her. there's no point in life if you have to spend it alone."

"so you plan on dying in the arena?" he asks,

"i didnt say that. but whatever happens happens but i will say i dont necessarily have anything left to fight for."

"ladies and gentlemen, Peeta Mellark- District 12!" he raises my arm victoriously, and i leave with only a halfhearted smile.

Taulia

" got you a roomate." the gaurd says before closing and locking the door behind him.

"mommy." the slender blonde haired girl with the bright blue eyes cries, running into my arms. "i dont want to lie anymore!"