Catching Fire: You and Me

Chapter 36:

"Why couldn't you tell me?" He ask, wrapping his delicate fingers around my own.

"There's alot of reasons i couldnt tell anyone. But i have my reasons for not telling you specifically  as well." I whisper, pushing my hair behind my ears.

"Why then?" He presses. "is there something you think you cant tell me about?"

"There was a dark period when i was around 15. I went back to the Capitol to help Cory with something he needed done. While i was there, some pretty bad shit went down. So bad, i dont even remember all of it. Some of its still a blur in my head."

"Its the Capitol. It cant be that horrible." He scoffs, kissing my hand lightly.

"You think of the Capitol and think off fancy food and shiny clothing. But if you know the places to be you'll see the crime, the drugs, the sex, and the dark alleys. Theres alot i regret about that time." I admit. "But now i get to ask you a question."

"Fire away."

"Why did you do it!" I shout. "Why did you do that to me!"

"What do you mean," he ask with worried eyes, wrapping his arms tightly around me.

"what happened with Micaela, exactly." i finally build up the courage to ask the question thats been on my mind ever since that night on the rooftop. "just tell me. did you sleep with her?"

"...apparently." he stammers, looking away from me.

"what do you mean, apparently?" i say flatly.

"i didnt remember a thing about that night. all i know is that i was insanely drunk, and she started screaming at me the next day about not telling anyone what happened the night before. i asked her what the hell she was talking about and when she said we slept together, i passed out in the middle of the hallway." he says shamefully.

"Peeta." i say and he meets my gaze again. "i dont care. that was a hard time for all of us. and there's alot of things i've done worse then that. and since i met you, i've finally been able to avoid that. no matter what happens, i still love you." i say. "so maybe, if i tell you a story about something totally and completely horrible i've done, we can put everything in the past, and just move on with our lives?" i plead.

"what lives?" he says softly.

"look, Peeta. i know he wont kill me. and he knows that in order to keep me alive, he has to keep you alive." i say, running the back of my hand down his face.

 he settles a little bit beside me, and i start to recall that time.

Katniss
15 years old

"as long as i'm here can i at least see my mother?"  i hiss, flopping down on the red velvet couch in the corner of his study.

"no." he says, not even looking up from his papers.

leave it to Snow to show consideration and remorse.

"but why else am i even here then?" i ask.

"i thought you liked the Capitol." he says simply. "and like i said, i need your help with something."

"what could you possibly need my help with?" i scoff.   

"i need you to get rid of somone for me." he states.

"get rid of someone? isn't that what you have the peacekeepers for?"

"no, Peacekeepers are there merely to keep the people of Panem in line. but i cant send them into Capitol homes."

"and why not?"

"it ruins our image as a city. the Districts all believe that we have no crime, so if we make a grand deal out of Capitol criminals, it gives us a bad reputation." he explains, looking down through the lenses of his glasses to the text in his hale hands.