Big Bang's Bodyguard (Completed)

Chapter 13

"I don't like this Manager Jong." I said through my gritted teeth as I eye another passing by staff in front of the company van were currently in.

"I'm sorry, Xin. But they're scheduled to this variety for a time. Its been postponed too long and many times, now was the only chance that President is willing to shoot their show with Big Bang." Manager Jong explained to me. I don't understand why of all times, they had to agree now is the good time to shoot this show in a place where I don't want to step foot at. The variety show they're going to be featured is an over night outdoor kind of camp. Their place for this episode is on the mountains, where they're going to point out the wonder of the place. But I can't see its beauty with all the doubt and fear in me lurking to find a way out of my locked doors.

"Noona, don't worry. It will be fun!" Seungri said, sitting on the back of the van. I force a smile but felt like a grimace.

"I'm calling Jung Joo for back up. Its too open for me. Too much exposure and its better to have someone our back." I said, pulling my phone out of my pockets as I step out of the van. I ignore their questioning gazes as I moved a bit farther. Dialing his number, I eye the trail leading to the mountains. Fear was creeping, sending shivers to my body as I wrapped a protective arm around me. I wanted to be far as possible at this place but I can't. My job is to protect them but to go to a place that made me think of the past is pure agony. Its too much for me.

***

"... We could see from here the very village were staying at later." One of the main host and guide says, pointing out the serene scene. But unlike the rest who gaze out, I repress the shaking of my hands deep inside my pockets and let my eyes scan the area quickly. For the past hours with Jung Joo assisting me, we keep an eye with the boys and in the same time aware of the surrounding. Shooting a scene in a public places can have lots of out turns. But here in the mountains, its a place that has lots of possibilities and danger lurking around, ready to spring on you when your guard is down. What I hated is the way fear is talking to me, telling me how unsafe it was and reminding me of the past.

Lost in my own thoughts, it was too late when i felt a hand in my shoulder, making my instinct act on its own. In seconds, I had twisted the arm hard oddly behind the person until yelp in pain.

"Ow!" Hearing the familiar voice, i snapped out and see it was Jung Joo. I instantly let go and took a step back.

"That's one hell of a grip, Xin Mae. If I was someone else, you might have broken my arm in no time." He chuckle while rubbing his red wrist where my grip was.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't realized what I was doing." I apologize and felt embarrassed when numerous eyes are on us, including Big Bang. Not wanting anyone to see my state, I excuse myself and walk away to hide the tremors trying to crawl out of me. Deep breaths...

***

It was two in the morning, the house was quiet except for the soft ticking of the clock. Everybody had retired to their rooms except me, after an overnight camping in that bloody mountain. A whole uncomfortable day for me. Couldn't sleep, fearing that nightmares would find its way. I was a ball of agitation and annoyance, making me struggle for a minute on doing my job right and I owe Jung Joo to be there to do it for me. I was anxious to get away from that big pile of land and rocks, that I nearly speed away fast as the boys sat in the van. They were confused on my change of behavior as I shift from jumpy and agitated to calm and deep.

"I'm alright, guys. I'm just a city girl and not very fond of the country side." I said with a smile, hoping they wouldn't notice. But the way they easily agree to me, they weren't buying my lie at all. I sigh and took a swing of my soju for the nth time. I want a dreamless sleep and Mr. Soju, is the answer to it. Bottles of soju was scattered on the kitchen counter as I sat drunkenly beside it. I rarely drink but there are times that I just want to forget everything. To make everything blank and empty. To give me a slice of peace even with the help of alcohol. With the soft glow of the moon coming from the window as my only light in the dark kitchen, I tugged the dog tags under my shirt. My thumb rubbing on the letters and numbers stroking it softly as a small sad smile slip in my face. How life can be easily snatch away. One day you were laughing with them and the next thing you see is them laid on a pool of blood and staring back at you lifeless. Still feeling the ache rather numbness, I grab the soju and took a huge gulp out of it. Wincing at the burn of it in my throat, I closed my eyes wanting to be buried in the darkness.

"Xin? Are you okay?" I heard GD's voice close. I had to squint my eyes when I open them, just to focus on him standing just few feet away from me.

"Hey, G-dragon! Join me? Still have more soju here." I said with a silly grin but sounded too drunk for my ears as I raise an almost empty soju.

"I think you had enough, Xin. Come on, I'll help you up." He frown at me and moved closer to grab the soju off my hand but I held it to me as I shake my head.

"No, I don't want to! Nightmares...need to stop...too much..." I blubber as I grip the dog tags in my other. I don't know what he saw in me but the next thing I know is him sitting across and drinking too. We remain silent in the dimmed kitchen as we took turn in sipping our drink.

"That came from the military?" He asked, his eyes pointing out the dog tags I still held.

"Yeah. Served for two and half tour in the middle east. Never thought a woman can do a field work eh?" I glance at him with a small smile in my face as I open my palm for him to see it.

"If you mean other women, nah. But with you, I'm not surprise at all. You have this stubborn streak in you and probably cause you lot of mischief in your old days." He said, smirking at me.

"Yeah, you can say that. In our platoon, I was the mischief who got away easily from anything because with my innocent looks. The guys were amused how easy I slip in between while they endure the consequences of what we've all done."

"Damn it Havens! You should be running 300 laps with us and not sitting pretty there!" Smith called out with an amused voice. The platoon pass by me, laughing as I bluntly drink a cold bottle of water and grin widely at them.

"Can I...see it?" I froze in mid drink before gripping it tightly in my palm, feel the edges dug deep in my skin. He patiently watch me as I took a deep breath, grasp the chain on my neck and slowly pulled it off my neck. I almost pulled it back to me twice as I place it to his open hand. My neck feel so cold and empty, used to have the small weight on it as I rubbed it. I watch him quietly as he push and read each of it.

"They're the men who died for me... Died protecting me." I said, my throat tightening as I took another gulp on my soju.

"Will you tell me, Xin?" He softly asked, his gaze on me. I thought the last time I would tell anyone this is during my therapy. I swore I wouldn't again open that door. I wouldn't fall to that road of painful path but why do I feel the need to tell him? The need for him to hear me out. To tell him how I endure the sorrow every time I close my eyes and see their faces. How I want to share this with someone than my shrink. To share him my painful past. Is it because the way he look at me with no judgement but tenderness? Is it because the way he reach out and caress my cheeks softly, calming my aching heart? Or because I have given my trust and heart to him before I even know it? Whatever the reasons are, I unlock the tightly locked door in me, letting the memories out as words came tumbling out of my mouth.

"We were two weeks away from going home when we received an order..." I stare at nothing, not seeing anything but suppressed memories flashing right before me.

*****
An: okay, looks short. Bare with me. :) The next one focus on Xin's past. So sorry for the grammar and spelling. VOTE, COMMENT and FOLLOW... Please?! :) :) :) aja!