pain ☹☻ {r.m + l.f}

three•

R. I. L. E. Y.

I have changed myself. Completely. I am not the insecure Riley Matthews anymore. I will no longer be the sunshine that people assumed I was. I'm going to walk with my head held high and answer, "I'm fine," even if I'm not.

I wear ripped jeans and combat boots along with a white tank and a leather jacket. My eyes are dark and my lips are red. My hair is styled like a mess that looks beautiful (if you know what I mean).

I walk down stairs, trying my best to look natural. But how are you supposed to act natural when you look nothing like yourself? You can't.

"Riley?" My brother Auggie asks me. I look at him and he stares at me in disbelief. "What happened?"Auggie asks in a concerned tone. I shrug, trying to having a another ego. "I've changed for the best." I say and grab a muffin as i walk out the door with my black bag swung over my shoulder.

I hop onto the subway, trying to unnoticed. I've decided to come to school a bit late so nobody could see me. So nobody could witness my difference and tell me to change as soon as possible. Not that anyone would care anymore.

I sit at a seat on the subway and avert my eyes from looking anywhere. I keep my eyes on my shoes not bothering to look anywhere else. I don't want to feel noticed. I don't want anyone to notice me. For the first time, i want to feel invisible.

After i leave the subway, i push open the door of the high school. I'm over 15 minutes late. My father is going to kill me. Oh well. The only way to happiness is to stop caring, at least that's what i think. The lease you care, the less disappointments. Apparently.

I grab the door handle carfully, shaking in nervousness. I'm going to be judged. Who cares. I don't want to care about anything anymore. I don't want to.

I take a deep breath and open the door. Everyone's eyes darted to mine. When i say everyone, i mean everyone. Lucas, Maya, Farkle and Zay had their mouths hung wide open. I stood there, trying to act confident. It's harder than everyone makes it seem.

"Riley...?" My dad asks in shock and i fake a smile as i sit in my seat next to Maya, who hasn't taken her eyes off of me when i sat down. I don't look at anyone but my father who is rambling on about something.

I feel eyes on me as the lesson continues and I feel as awkward as ever. As i look behind me everyone still stares at me and i turn around. Not caring. At least trying not to care, what are they they thinking about? Do they like the new me?

A new look means a new attitude. I can do this, just act confident. I'm already really stubborn so that helps. I need to act... Superior. I'll try, but I know I'll fail as soon as he speaks to me.

The end of the lesson comes quickly and I take my books and leave as soon as my dad dismisses us. I walk towards my locker, not looking at anyone, what I've been doing all day.

"What happened to you?" I here Zay's voice and slam my locker shut as i turn around. Farkle, Maya and Lucas stare at me with disbelief.

"What do mean? I feel fine." Even my voice has changed, I've changed. For the better, I hope.

"Riley, this isn't you." Maya tells me in her soft voice. "This is me. And if you can't handle it, then stay away from me." I say in the harshest way i can. As i walk through them i bump my shoulder with Lucas'.

I walk to my next class which is English. As I'm walking i see Charlie. "Riley!" He calls me over. And i smirk. Wow, changing is difficult.