pain ☹☻ {r.m + l.f}

five•

R. I. L. E. Y.

"Lol, okay keep ignoring me,

It not like I love you or anything."
_______________________________

I didn't even speak to Lucas after that incident. It's like it was erased and it never even happened. I don't know what Maya said to him but it definitely had an affect on him. I didn't want him to forget. I want him to know that I'm here for him. I want him to know that i never actually left him. I may have physically, but never emotionally or mentally.

Why is it that the people you care about don't seem to care for you as much as you do for them? Why? That's all i want to know. I want to know why he wouldn't care about me for all I do is care about him.

I decide to walk alone to my Math class. I don't need to see Charlie's face and only ever think about Lucas. That's all i do most of the time anyway.

"Hey, can i talk to you?" I hear a voice behind me say, I automatically know that it is Maya because I'm so used to her voice. I turn around and nod my head.

"I'm sorry for the way i acted a few days ago. I promise I'm not usually like that." She apologises. She gives me a sincere smile, but i feel like she never wanted to apologise. That she's just doing this because she was made to or because she pitied me.

"It's fine, really." I say, lightly shaking my head. My voice is quiet, not the usual volume it is and it's been happening lately. My voice has been crumbling. No, I have been crumbling.

"No,it's not fine. I was acting like psychotic bitch and i feel so guilty. And to make it up, we're having a little get together at Farkle's house. You should come." She says, practically pressuring me.

My brain is already telling me no but i want to hang out with my friends again, i want everything to go back to normal. But I know that can never happen.

"I don't know, Maya. It might not be okay with Farkle." I protest but she shushes me. "No, he's the one who suggested it and everyone agreed." She says matter of factly.

I sigh. "Who's coming?" I ask. "Me, Lucas, Zay, Smackle, Billy, Brandon, ect." She wants me to come but I don't think I should. I really don't want to face anyone and talk about my life in California. I don't want people asking me questions.

"You can have a plus one. If you want." She adds and i nod my head while biting my lip. I just agreed to going somewhere where i really don't want to be. Smooth move, Riley.

"Great! I'll see you there at 4:00. It's a pool party by the way." she says and walks to her class. What did i just get myself into?

-
3:40

Well obviously, I'm going alone because I'm a loner and my only real friend back in New York is food. I seriously need some more friends. It's a pool party, just great. Lucky today was a Friday or else my parents probably wouldn't have let me go.

I groan inwardly and start to walk towards my wardrobe when my phone starts ringing and i see the caller ID.

Uncle Josh

I wonder what he wants.

"Hey Josh." I say. "Hey, Riles. Just calling to check in on how you're doing in New York." He says and i can hear the concern in his voice. I want to tell him that i dread everyday back here, but i know i cant vent to anyone.