pain ☹☻ {r.m + l.f}

six•

R. I. L. E. Y.

I dread coming back to school. Why did I decide to move back? Oh yeah, because i had thought that they wouldnt be together. I though for a split second they wouldnt be together. I guess i was wrong.

I just want to tell someone im hurting. Josh sorta knows. My parents are probably going to find put soon. I want to tell Lucas I'm hurting. I know he cant do anything to resolve that which i totally get, but I want to tell him. I just don't want to interrupt his perfect life.

They called him Mr Perfect for a reason.

Maya ran an art club where her art friends and her would draw stuff paint things. You know, the stuff artsy people do.

Zay did ballet, and he was quite good at it too. Farkle was still the smart Farkle i knew, he still loved plays as well. Lucas still played all his sports and I'm assuming he still wanted to become a veterinarian when he was older. Everything seems the same but it's not.

It'll never be the same.

I walk into my chemistry class and sat at a bench while putting my bag on the table. I had came a bit early, not wanting to look at Charlie Gardner.

Don't get me wrong, i like him. I really do but not in that way. He's trying really hard to get somewhere with me but im just not coordinating. I don't want to. I'll just have to be in pain until one day I'll let it go and it will be nothing.

When will that be? When will i finally let this go? When will i finally let the love of my life go? I can't. It's too hard, but i have too. Eventually.

Farkle walks in and takes a seat next to me. I smile at him but he doesn't smile back.

What have i done now?

"Is everything okay, Riley?" He asks in his concerned tone. Farkle has always been one of my closest friends, more like my brother. He was always there for me, and im grateful. But sometimes he needs to mind his own business.

"I'm fine." I say the two international words that actually mean:

I'm dying inside. Please help me.

He looks at me again not believing a single word i say, I've gotten good at hiding my feelings lately, so why is he looking at me weirdly? Have i got something on my face? Oh my god, I do, don't I? How embarrassing.

"I don't believe you." He says and my eyes widen. "What?" I ask my voice cracking.

"I don't believe you. You're lying." He says sharply. My throat feels dry. I'm now known as a liar. Perfect. Im a liar. I hate lying. God, I'm a liar! I'm a disappointment.

Stop overthinking, Riley

My inner voice says but i can't seem to get it out of my brain.

Im a liar.

I suddenly feel sick in the stomach and i feel the colour drenching out of my face. Farkle grabs one of my shoulders.

"Riley, you're not looking so good. What's happening?" He asks as his eyebrows furrow. I shake my head. "I just feel sick. Im fine, really." I say clenching my stomach and then let go. I'm okay. I think.

"Do you want me to take you to the nurses office?" He asks me and i swallow. "I can get there by myself." I say and he stands up with me. "You can't go by yourself, what if you passed out?" He asks and i shake my head. "Farkle, I'm fine. Leave me alone." I say and automatically clamp my mouth shut.