pain ☹☻ {r.m + l.f}

nine•

"Lucas?" I ask as i hold the pole on the subway tightly. He shifts his head to look at me as he grips the pole as well. He gives a small smile, "Yeah?"

"Why does Maya hate me?" I ask as my smile fades away. I need my best friend, i want our old friendship back. I miss her. I miss having someone there for me. Someone who cared.

"She doesn't hate you." He says and i roll my eyes. "You're a terrible liar." I say truthfully and he lets out a laugh. "She doesn't hate you, Riley. It's more of a 'strong dislike'." He jokes and i whack his arm.

"I'm kidding!" He laughs and i sigh. "It's just all the stress i mean you're back and she hasn't seen you in ages. Seeing you might be triggering things. Memories. Just give it time." He days trying to reassure me.

Triggering things? She hasn't taken the slightest interest of being my friend. "Triggering" might be happening but what about me? My memories triggered things as well. I feel like I don't deserve anything. Everything that's happened is my fault.

"I have given it time, Lucas. It's like she wants to get rid of me." I Say as i feel tears threatening to fall. But of course I don't let it. I never let anyone see me cry intentionally. I hate crying. It lets all my emotions scatter everywhere and i feel like utter crap. Why can't i just turn my humanity off so I don't have to feel anything?

"She loves you, Riley." He says as he rubs my shoulder. "I'm having a hard time believing that. She even skipped coming to school with us because i was here." I say as my guilt over whelms me.

"No, she couldn't come because someone's giving her a ride." He retorts and i shake my head. "Who? Zay's coming with Farkle, Charlie and Maya aren't really good friends, Maya's mom has work early morning... Who else is there?" I ask curiously, he shrugs. "I guess we'll see." I nod my head and we keep talking until we arrive.

Me and Lucas walk incredibly close as we're about to walk into school until i can here the roaring of a motorcycle. I turn my head as so does Lucas. I feel as if we've gotten closer these past days.

On the bike was a girl with long blonde hair taking off her helmet until i saw her face.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

There she was, just hugging my uncles waist as they rode on a motorcycle together. Wait. Didn't me and Lucas do that?

Maya kisses his cheek as i turn my head towards Lucas who's face wasn't as infuriated at i thought he'd be. I rub he's shoulder. "You okay?" I ask and he turns towards me and smiles. "I'm fine."

"Stop bullshitting me, Friar." I copy him and he raises his eyebrows. "You can't just use my own words." He jokes and i laugh. "I think i just did." I comment as I smirk.

He looks at me for a second and i look back at him. Memories start flooding back.

Library or Campfire?

He chose Campfire. He chose her. Not me. Not like I thought he would.

He then breaks the stare and then starts tickling me in the ribs. I laugh uncontrollably and try to shoo his hands away but then again, he's still stronger than me.

"Okay! Okay! You win, please stop!" I shout over my laughter and he laughs too and it's just us, as friends. As two people who are having fun. Even if I don't like being just friends, i do like spending time with him.

"You two look like your having fun." Maya comments in her bored voice. Me & Lucas automatically stop and stand up straight at the sight of her. "Could say the exact same thing about you and my uncle." I say and look back at Lucas who's smirking.