Fighting Darkness

Chapter Nineteen

Sorry I don't update fast, but you know school. But we are out soon. Hope you enjoy and thank you for reading this story!!:) love you all!! I love all your comments and suggestions its amazing that this story that was suppose to end along time ago has so many fans:) Ya'll blow my mind! Thank you so much:)

***Nathan*** 

I don't love her. In fact, I could hate her. I could murder her and no one would care, but then again I would. I spent the last four months, loving this fucked up girl and now I just told myself I would kill her.  

Her body ejects heat that reflects off of me. The black sheets don't help any to keep me cool, even if I'm only in sweat pants. Paige occasionally moves, wrapping her arms tighter around my torso, bringing me closer. It's like how it was at the beginning. Me saving her, but now that I think of it, I don't feel like I'm saving her. I feel like I'm the one putting the bruises on her, watching her cry, but come crawling back to me. Paige says she needs me, but I don't think so. She says I'm the only one that can keep her here.  

The humidity of the dense woods surround us, not letting us move without the breeze knowing. Paige's laugh fills the empty air like silk over a mattress, taking up every space that the eyes can see, flooding the invisible winds with this pitch. "You're the only one that keeps me here." She says between her fit of giggles. I cock my head over to her. My face has grown serious as I watch her lay back onto the flowers. "What do you mean?" I ask repeating the actions she does. A sigh escapes her lips, the small white petals fall onto her stomach, then the stem. "I always feel myself fall when I'm not with you." It's not a joke. Seriousness covers up any hint that she ever giggled. She picks more flowers, letting the petals hit the tight, but loose, black dress.  

That scene can stay in my head forever because I will never forget it. I keep her here? What does that mean? Every time I'm with her, she seems farther away. Almost like a white mist vanishes her when she walks away. Engulfing every bit if Paige I know. Or at least think I know. Lately it's always, I love you, but we're going to fight, sir of deal. It's the game of "Deal Or No Deal" that I can't win. I can never win. 

Paige's body turns to the side while incoherent words fall from her mouth. Derek probably wants her home. Not because he wants to give her a hug, or anything, but to lay the fresh purple and blue to replace the pale skin that covers her body.  

Anything and everything runs through my head. I can't sleep. I won't sleep, and it never will happen. There are a million perfect scenarios that can be played, but really what would I do? It's not like I can make them come to life, it's like a story board, but it's not planned. It's scattered like a million pieces of paper, not even tape will fix this.  

I turn over, letting her arms curl up to her body. I don't want her to touch me, and if she does it feels like acid, burning my skin, and making a mark that later vanishes...but you know it's there. It's never fully gone. A scar is never fully gone. 

****Derek**** 

Let me change. Paige, wherever you are let me show you I can change. Thoughts run through my head, not one will stay in place. Their like mice running into the holes of a 60's style kitchen.  

I cleaned the apartment, even though no work needed to be done. Every mark I made with my fist seem to stand out as far as the blood stains. The bright, but faded, patterns cover the hardwood floor in specks. Some bigger than others, but they are there. I see them. I hurt her, and I made her a mess.  

"Everyday is a step closer to making her love me." I say to no one, putting the white flowers in the vase. Everything could be perfect, and everything should be perfect. Paige will fall back to me, she always does. I gave her so many opportunities to leave, but she keeps coming back. This time won't be any different. Telling her I can change the first few times always worked, now it seems like she figured out the game I played. I was the only player and now there's two. The term, "two can play at that game," never really registered in my brain until now. I was the only player, I won every round, I was always the champion, and now, it's been taken away. Paige took every bit of glory I had and twisted it, making me want to be...good?  

The music seems to blare louder with every step I take towards it. Some heavy metal song rings through the speakers and into my ear drums. Black Veil Brides. The screen reads, I've heard about them before. They played in an arena a few hours away, sold out. Well, at least, that's what Paige told me. The music turns off and I end up sitting on the brown leather couch. Dust particles float in the air, I disrupted their home on my space. Even though there's so much stuff in this apartment, it feels so empty. Books line the shelfs by the T.V, coats and jackets hang freshly in the closet. So much stuff. So much space, but it all feels empty. My body also feels the same. I am trying to change! Can't anyone see that?! 

I don't know whether anger, pain, or sadness register first all I know that I'm on my knees, crying. As much as I try to stop the salty liquid, they continue to flow.  

My side hits the hard floor first, but no air is ushered out of me. Each sob racks my body, more and more intense. My breath shallow, and the ocean of salt, around me, doesn't subside. "God, let me change!" I cry, and the fluid touches my tongue, letting every wave of emotion his me harder. The screams don't fade. "God, why? Why am I like this?"  

6:00am. That's when I passed out. I swear I saw an angel stand before me. Covered in white mist, pale skin and a black dress the flows down to the floor. She bent down beside me, grabbing my hands with her icy ones. This person seems to far away, like she's not actually there. "Who are you?" I remember muttering, as I brought my head back down. Her eyes flicker from red to brown, leaving a soft glow to them. 

"No one you need to know." It sound like Paige's voice.