Fighting Darkness

Chapter Twenty-Two

****Nathan****

  The speakers of my car blare as every emotion comes in a rush. Anger to pain, pain to happiness, then back to anger. Everything goes in anger.

   Music of every kind comes from the radio.

"Shut up and put your money where your mouth is!" Next channel.

"White lips pale face, breathing in the snowflakes." Next channel.

"I use to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover. I'll love you forever but forever is over." I like it, because its true. I was drunk on Paige. Everything about her. The way her hair scraped her back, or how her eyes lite up when she smiled. The way that one dimple always made its way out when her lips moved. Or how she her clothing hung off her, but now it's over. I'm hungover. I told her I would love her forever, but that never lasts.

"All my time wasted on you, all the bullshit you put me through."

The tears are like tsunami tides in my eyes, never getting dry so I hide away anywhere I can. Even if its driving in my car.

   Jobs a pain, they hired a new guy to replace me, so now, it's not really a job. I have to take care of mom, it feels like my whole life revolves around that. Making sure mom had her pills for everyday. Refilling them, good way to overdose.

   I turn to the left taking Quaker street, and turning to the highway. I do believe in God, but how is this his plan for me? Bring a girl into my life and then take it away? I don't keep her here, she keeps me here!

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"Can I talk to Paige?" I ask, shuffling uncomfortably on the park bench.

"Yes, may I ask who this is?" The elderly women's voice friarly asks through the phone.

"No, I need to talk to Paige."

The phone is set down while I here a door open and slam, followed by yelling. "You don't treat me like the age I am!"

"What age are you? Twelve?"

The phone picks up snapping me from their old conversation. My heart beats faster anticipating what I've been dying to hear.

"Hello?" That voice, Paige's voice. The angelic voice sent from heaven.

"It's Nathan." A sigh escapes through the receiver.

"What do you want?"

"Remember that night when you were about to jump?" It comes out in a rush, but I know it needs to be said.

  "Grandma, I'm going outside!"

"Stay out there!" Even though it's muffled the disgust in the air can't stand out more clearer.

"What are you getting at?"

"That night, before I saw you, I was actually going to jump, but you saved me! You keep me here, Paige!"  The smile on my lips stands out more permanent.

   "Stop, Nathan!"

****Paige****

  "Stop, Nathan!" I yell, letting my voice echo through the starry sky.

"Your psychotic! You're bipolar! You say you love me and then you hate me!" Before I can get another word in, his husky voice cuts me off.

"Because I'm crazy for you! Please," I hear muffled sobbing. "Come home."

Laughter escapes my lips, dry and evil. I don't get it. He loves me and then he hates me, but I do the same to him, and now I do hate him; he can't decide. He can't even make his own choices when we were together.

"Kill yourself." I whisper before hanging up the green wireless phone. Something I regret saying.