Fix it

Not enough

It was early morning when Stevie finally fell asleep from exhaustion. She spend the whole night worrying about Lindsey, wondering when and if he was going to come back, but he didn't. Her eyes were beginning to hurt, because she cried so much. If only she could turn back the time. But unfortunately...

Her rest didn't last long, as she herself woke up before eleven, only having a few short hours of shut eye. She went to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, sighing at her own reflection. Then she heard a knock on the door and she was wishful for a split second, but then realized that Lindsey wouldn't have knocked.

"Christine?"

"Morning." The older woman smiled, but it faded quickly at Stevie's disheveled look. "Are you sick?"

"No, just lack of sleep. What do you want?"

"Um... I came to ask you out for breakfast, Mick and John are already downstairs. I heard you came back last night and we haven't seen each other yet."

Stevie's initial thought was to decline the offer, but then she would have to come up with a bunch of excuses. "Okay, but give me a minute. I just got out of bed."

"Sure." Chris nodded and followed Stevie inside, closing the door. "Where's Lindsey?"

"He... he, um... I don't know actually. I woke up and he was gone already. He probably is out for a run, he took that up recently."

"Oh. Well, you go get ready and I'll sit here."

Stevie took only about fifteen minutes, when she rejoined Christine, having freshened up and changed out of her nightgown. The two women headed to the hotel's restaurant, where Mick and John were already sat at a table in the corner.

"Morning, love!" Mick said cheerfully and Stevie just forced a small smile.

Breakfast was going rather quietly, the three Brits were used to Stevie always being so lively, no matter what time of day it was and now she just sat, picking at her food. John lifted his eyes up, locking them with Chris, mutual understanding between the ex couple, but she shook her head, indicating that whatever it was, Stevie was not ready to talk about it.

A few minutes later, the group heard a... "Hello." As Lindsey took the empty seat, next to Stevie.

"Good morning, Buckingham. Where the hell have you been? We thought the two of you are back at your old ways of ignoring and arguing." Mick only half joked.

Lindsey shook his head, taking Stevie's hand, giving it a squeeze. "No. Everything is fine. I was out for a run." Stevie sighed in relief, at least their lies matched.

"Aren't you going to order something?" She asked.

"I'll just have a cup of coffee, not feeling very hungry."

"We should really decide on what we're going to do in the next two weeks or else, we've come here early without a reason." Christine changed the subject, feeling the tension.

"Oh, that's right! I've done some research and I found this Lord Howe Island, it's magnificent!" Mick said excited. "It really looks like a paradise. The flight is only a couple of hours there."

"Can I rent a boat to fish there?" Was the only care for John.

"You sure can, mate." Mick patted his friend on the back. "What do you say, guys?"

"Sounds nice." Stevie shrugged.

"We'll think about it." Lindsey added.

They wrapped their morning get together in another half an hour or so and everyone started scattering, while Stevie didn't know what to do. Clearly, she was desperate to talk to Lindsey, but would he be willing to? While she was working on her next move, he brought her out of her thoughts.

"Are you going?"

"Where?"

"Back to the room, I'd guess?"

"Oh, um... sure."

She followed behind, without one word said between them. He unlocked the door and let her go in first. Stevie wanted to ask a million questions, but she wouldn't dare. She wanted to allow him to speak up first. But he didn't, sitting down on the couch in the living area of the suite.

"So, where were you the whole night?"

"I went out drinking, came back and booked myself another room."

"Oh? Why? You didn't have to do that."

"Yes, I did. I needed to be alone and especially not around you."

"Did it help?" Stevie sat down on the coffee table so they had to be face to face.

"I don't know. I had a weird night, actually. I left for the bar, had a few glasses, then this woman came to join me; a lot younger, attractive, gorgeous blond hair..." He was not going to leave out any details. "At first I wasn't really up to talking to her, but she insisted. I told her about you, about our biggest problem and she suggested going to her place, where it was quieter and private." He paused for a second, seeing how her expression changed. He knew it was hurting her, but she hurt him too. "We had more to drink and I asked about her, turns out we're both shit at love. Then I asked her to sit on me and we started kissing, she was only too quick to undress for me. I had her in her bra and panties in about five minutes. I started touching her... but then... I couldn't. I just couldn't go on with it." He finally looked her in the eyes, rivers of tears falling down her cheeks. "I couldn't stop thinking about you, thinking how much I love you, how you're my whole world. And you know what the saddest and most painful part is? I don't understand how you could do the same to me."

"Oh God, Lindsey..." She was feeling physical pain in her chest as it tightened. "I don't know... I never realized what I was doing, and how much it hurts until you just told me all that. And you didn't even..." She fell in front of him on her knees again, wrapping herself around his legs. "I can't begin to tell you how terribly sorry I am!"

He exhaled deeply, his hand stroking her hair. "It's just that... you've told me that before, so many times. Your apologies mean nothing to me anymore. Honestly, they're worthless."

"No, I do mean it, Lindsey! I do!"

"Maybe, but I wouldn't know. How long will you mean it for? Until another one of your ex's calls you up about some project?"

"No, I-"

"I just don't know anymore." He shook his head, standing up. "I'm beginning to think that there is no way back for us. I don't want this to get so bad, we couldn't stand seeing each other or working together..."

"What... what are you trying to say?"

"I'm not saying anything. I just... I need some time to think." He was walking towards the door to head out. "As long as the band goes, we're fine. We'll join them on that island and things will be okay between us. On the surface at least... I'll be going to my room."

"I love you, Lindsey." She added, before he left.

If only that was enough, he muttered to himself and left her alone once again.