She said the air is so clean. (Matty Healy fanfic)

38

TRIGGER WARNIG: SUICIDE ATTEMPT/CUTTING

I wake up cold. Not only physically cold, but emotionally cold as well. I feel detached from reality, not in a good oblivious way, but a painfully detached. I feel hyper aware of everything that ive screwed up the past few weeks.

My relationship with Matty, though he doesn't know it has changed immensely. The platonic state of me and George's friendship shifted. I left my family, again without even saying goodbye. My friendship with Christian has faded away. I broke Jackson's heart into pieces, more so crushed it.

All of the pain and fear I feel, it started with the one person that im the most blissful with. The person I cherish in my heart. The bad boy with a bad attitude but a good heart.

Matty.

I don't want to end our relationship. It will ruin me, though I truly doubt he would think to much on it.

Maybe I should just end me.

I stand up from my bed, and wipe tears from my cheeks as I set my mind to getting a few things gathered before I end.

I call to the lobby and tell them to let Matty in when he comes back, I want him to be the one to find me. I want him to know that I was ruined, I only hope it brings him peace.

I write a quick note

I love you, deepest apologies. I hope you move on and forget that I existed. Just a bump in the road, a path you crossed once upon a dream. But remember I loved you, till my last breath.
Love, me.

I open my front door so Matty can walk in when he comes around.

I walk to my medicine cabinet and pull out a razor blade, then step into the tub. I lay down and turn the water on, as the water fills the tub and covers my leg
I wipe my tears and stare at my wrist.

The cold blade hits my skin, and warm blood pours out. After I create a deep slice I move to the other wrist and mimic my previous slice then smile a small smile and lean back.

Darkness surrounds me as I fall into oblivion.