who am i?

EPILOGUE

Authors note: final chapter. be sure to check out my next phanfic coming soon :) thank you guys for all the support. Enjoy!

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October 25th, 2016

I stood there at the alter pacing back and forth. All my friends and family sat in front of me, eagerly awaiting what was about to happen.

I, however, wanted to disappear. It had to be perfect, everything. What if I fell? What if the words don't come out? What if I cry? What if I forget my vows? What if-

The music began to play and I hurried into position as Darcy came down the isle in front of my friend Louise, tossing flowers at the ground.

I almost wanted to fast forward. I kept fixing my already fixed fringe, fiddling with my suit, and breathing nervously. After what seemed like forever, I saw him.

Then, for once in my life, my mind went quiet. No existential crisis, voices, sarcasm, stress, noise... Nothing. It was serene.

Arm in arm with his mother, he was there walking towards me.

In a bright white suit that challenged the glow of his pale skin, a white tie, and a bright blue shirt that (despite a great effort) could never compare to the blue sparkle of his eyes.

His jet black hair was placed perfectly and he smiled so perfectly- the smile only I knew.

His eyes began to glisten as they were glazed over with tears, and not soon after I noticed, by vision became blurred with them as well.

This was the moment we dreamed of for years... Finally happening.

He kissed his mother in the cheek and stepped up to the alter with me, taking my hands in his.

There was talking, but I couldn't hear it. I was standing there taking it all in.

The edge of his jawline, the curl of his smile, the wrinkles by his eyes, the soft touch of his hands, the shape of his lips that I would soon touch, and the multi-colored dream that was his gaze.

Then it was time for vows. Phil voted against it, but I insisted that I give mine. He had no problem sharing his emotions but since it was rare for me to show my affection for him so publicly, I wanted this to be special. It had to be special today.

And I forgot them all.

I cleared my throat, "Well, Phil Lester where do I begin? I've thought often where I out to begin with this speech. Although you didn't ask for my vows, I felt the need to say something. No matter what we've been through, Phil, my love for you has never been in question. I've always loved you even when I wanted to deny it, and even when I psychologically forced amnesia upon myself to try and trick myself out of it. I love loving you and being in love with you and being in your warm presence every day and I promise to never hurt you. Now today on October 19th, 2016 we stand here together as we always have, Dan and Phil, ready to take on another adventure... A family. Throughout my life I have felt so worthless and unwanted but you, Phil, have shown me what it is like to feel loved and be loved more deeply and purely than what could ever be put into words. I could never forget the way you make me feel. And the truth of it all is that before I knew you, and when I thought I'd lost memory of you... I'd never felt more alone. But there's no worry of that now. Now the journey only begins Philly. There's so much of the world we have yet to see and so much more we have yet to do, and god damn it I cannot wait to get started."

The laughter of the crowd brought me back out of my rant-like state and I realized I had just been releasing a steady flow of emotion and thought that I had built up inside over all these years.

I continued, though, "I've come to this epiphany, my love, that with whatever the future brings- it brings me by your side. You have always been here for me and you have literally saved my life so now it is my turn to return the favor in the only way I can:

I want to give you the best fucking life anyone could ever have because no one on this earth deserves it more than you.

You're Amazing...Phil," I paused to let our family and friends laugh at my brilliant pun before continuing, "Let's write a new story."

Phil was crying so much at this point, I wanted to hug him but I had to wait.

Finally, I spoke the words, "I do."
And Phil echoed the phrase, "I do."

The man spoke, "you may now kiss your husband."

Phil rolled his eyes comically, "it's about bloody time."

I pulled him in and kissed him.

It felt like fireworks. I remembered the first time I kissed him and how I imagined this day, and told myself it would never happen.

I wish young Dan could see me now.

I smiled and I felt Phil smile before I pulled away, coming back to reality.

I looked to Phil one more time before going to greet the crowd.

"Ready?" I said, sighing happily.

He nodded and smirked at me with pride,

"let's make memories too good too forget."

For once, I believe, I couldn't have said it better myself.