She needs love too

Chapter 17

Lets just start off by saying that I never lived up to what I set out for myself. Even after what I had did, I was still messing around with him. He had gotten a little bit better, it wasn't that bad. Truth be told I never really wanted to stop. Until I had started really feeling my school. I got home late on school days so I barely saw him. The thing is I started being happy because for the first time in a long time people started liking me. I felt this bolt of joy everyday. But even though I was happy , I couldn't fully be happy because if a person had ask me out, I would have to say no. In order for me to had say yes, I would have to tell Malachi I want to stop, two major problems with that option is that, he may get mad and start talking away , two is that I don't think I want to stop, half of me does and the other half doesn't. I had to really think to myself, am I going to keep being unhappy because of him? Does he even care? , and then I started thinking deeper. He called me a fat ass an I still went back to him, he brought me down because of the color of my skin an I still went back to him. He called me so much names an i still went back to him. After we are done what we do, he pretends I'm not there, he can't even look me in my face, I have to ask myself am I really that ugly. Am I really that worthless, I was never his and he was never mines but I still........I never understood this. I look back at pictures of me so young, and I think, I was so happy about myself. Didn't have a care in the world and to let people bring me down to this girl that cares so much of what other people think of her....is it sad? Or just pathetic. You be the judge.

It was almost close to thanks giving. I could remember, going to the supermarket to buy food. As I got back in the house my mom was at work and my step father was by his brother. I went to take my shower and the I saw the curtain pulled back. I saw him standing there with his boxers on.

"No , not here" I didn't want him to see my body

"I don't care" I was wondering if he didn't care because he just wanted some or he didn't care because he didn't care that I was fat. That question still remains a mystery today. He came in fully and started sucking on my breast, of course instantly I got wet. He turned me around and then he put a condom on and found my hole and pushed it in. This time all the way in, every inch. I couldn't help but say fuck the whole time. I couldn't scream what I wanted to scream cause all that came out was fuck. He started pounding faster and I swear I could have felt it touch inside of my stomach. At first I felt pain and then it was like a sensational feeling. Everything I was thinking about went away. But then he came and left. Left me unsatisfied. I of course had to finish his job. I wash myself off and I went on my bed and just fell asleep.