My Deadly Little Secret (completed)

Here We Go Again

As the day slowly went by, I felt more & more worthless. Finally gym came. Yay! Gotta love working out. Not. Gym is the worst, more opportunity for girls to hate on you & judge you for everything you do. But the good thing that came out of this is that I get to talk to one of my bestfriends, Cala.

Cala & I have been friends for 2years now. She has short brown hair. She's a little shorter than me. & she had been through what Im going through. But in our friendship. We rarely talk about feelings. We're more into ranting & having fun. She's bipolar like me. But at the end of the day whatever she says, She means well.

"Heey ugly" she says with a creeper look on her face.

"Hey slut"

"Hey whore"

"So how many guys have you bang last night?" One of our inside joke.

"25. New record, I would say"

"Typical Cala." We both laughed.

"Still on for lunch today Ariana?"

"For sure!" I said with a smile.

Finally, It's mid-day, god. Why can't the day go by faster?! I can't handle this stress. For all the teachers out there.. I know finals are just 3weeks away... But they've to know I just can't handle this. I'm not ready to go to high school. The fact that grad is only 5days away stressed me out even more.

For grad, I'm going with my best friend Cala, she's my date. She's also doing my hair. I never said this. But she's honestly my bestfriend. & I think of her as my sister. But if I could read minds. I would know what she thinks of me. One can only wonder.

As Cala & I walked back to school after our lunch day. That's when I saw it. Tyler & Emily..

Tyler & I used to have a thing. He would like me at a point & I would like him at one point. It was an on & off thing. We never dated because we barely had a moment when we actually liked each other at the same time. People would always say we're a couple & assume we're dating. But I can only wish. We would always hug & act like we're dating. But thanks to my depression, I kept over thinking. So i screwed up our friendship. It was never the same.

I was hurt.. Seeing him with another girl.. Mostly with Emily.. I always hated her. Not much to say about Emily beside she's a little cry baby bitch.. Everyone hates her.

Omg. thank the lord. I honestly can't believe I'm saying this, but I couldn't be happier that the bell had rung. As Cala & I gave said goodbyes, & I was heading off to my class. Tyler stops me... That's when things started to changed..

Here we go Once again..

***

So many questions rushing to my head. As to Why would Tyler stop me like that.. I haven't talked to him since I found out he likes the girl I hate. Emily.

"Hey" he said with that half smile he has. It's so adorable I could just melt right there & then.

"hi" i said with a shaky voice. I swear.. I sound like such a dork right now.

"Can I have a hug?" He said as he open his arms out.

Before i could answer he started to put his arms around me and gave me a hug. A rush of memories came back to my head. What's going on? I can't think straight anymore.. The smell of his old spice cologne smells really nice. As we just stood in the middle of the halls hugging. A teacher finally came & told us to break it up. When we did, he walked away & turn back to give me a smile. I just kept walking.

As I walked to class wondering why that had happen. Or how it even happened. It just confused the hell out of me. But what really did come through clearly is that he makes me happy and im just myself. During that period of time.. I forgot about the world all I could think was.. It's just us. Alone. Standing There hugging each other closely. It's was just the perfect moment.

As i was in dream land, a teacher came & was trying to get my attention back. I honestly can't focus right now. Since I over think a lot. I just can't get the fact of why he had hugged me.

By the end of the class, I rushed out of there as fast as I could to go to Tyler & just see what was up. But I didn't have enough time because I had my evil teacher mrs. Williams. Or I like to call her "Mrs.cameltoe" everyone calls her that because she has a cameltoe that sticks out from a mile away. Had to rush me to get in the class so she could start the lesson.

Finally. The end of the day. The day just last forever. As I put my books away. I noticed on my phone I got a message, it was from Tyler. He said hi. Honestly I don't get him at all.. He's so hard to figure out. Sometimes I wish I could just read his mind.

When I got home everything started to change. I seen my room differently. Everything is suddenly so bright. Why? Then again I never did care. I always liked it better when it was dark.

All night I've been texting Tyler. We just had a conversation about how he has a crazy stalker & how I feel like I been violated by Luke, he's a kid in my class. When I finally had a chance, I asked him who he's going to grad with. & well... The answer just.. Made my heart dropped. Why do I care so much. Why her?!....

Well.. There goes my day again.. Always too good to be true..

I honestly can't believe what had happened. What Tyler had told me.. He was going to grad with Stacy. out of all people.. why her? im not being rude, but Stacy & I go way back. We used to be best friends till one incident happened, & well. Let's just say.. She could've been in the hospital cause of me.

My heart honestly dropped... Like all the way to the bikini bottom. I don't even know what this say to him. I mean, I love going to grad with Cala & everything.. It's just I would love to go with Tyler more because I like him more than just friends again. why did he have to hug me in the first place.. Now im falling for him again.

All thats happening in my mind is why? Why is this happening to me? Why am I feeling this way? Why can't he just see that I care & him & I should just have our chance now. Live for the moment. Instead of regretting it in the end like we always do.

I hate myself so much. Every single fucking time I get hurt... I always have the urge to cut, I hate that word. "Cut" I should like such an attention seeker.

I hate who I have became, I hate what I'm Doing. I honestly hate the thoughts that comes to my head. Can I just escape this world & start over?

I would talk to my main best friends, but why am I so pathetic. Every time something goes wrong I always tell people everything, without caring what others problem are. I'm so inconsiderate.

This isn't all about a boy. This is just what had built up, my fault for always putting others before me. I'm just a hypocrite.. honestly. All the stress from finals & school, to all my friends going off to high school & them maybe leaving me. I hate being so insecure.. All I need is an escape. Here we go again..

There is no other way... Beside....