My Deadly Little Secret (completed)

Stressed

I been losing so much sleep lately. I couldn't sleep properly. I been up all night thinking, and all day dreaming. I guess tonight is just one of those nights.

I was always been told I'm good at writing. But that's just weird, really different actually. Me? Ariana? A writer? It's a good compliment that they like my work, but I can't see myself doing it. I'm more into stalking one direction. Wait. I'm not stalking.. I'm a dedicated Directioner.. more Than Any writing thing.

As I laid in bed thinking how life is, I keep getting texts asking who I'm going to grad with. Honestly, i get why they're so curious. it's last minute and it's only 1days away but still.. Stop. Ask me once is okay don't asking me the same question 56764 thousand times? it just gets annoying.

I had been asked to grad by 5different people.. I never told anyone cause I feel bad the fact that I rejected them. At first in the beginning of this week I been asked 4times the same question.. but just now 2 other guys asked me the same one.

Finally I got some sleep, barely. My mom woke me up with an attitude. I hate it. Just last night her and I had a argument. She saw a mark on my arm. I told her mosquito bites, when really I was tired of how my skin looked so I scratched it. She had a freak attack and I yelled back.

I know I sound really bad and rude, but it's true... I don't love her. To be honest... I don't want her at my grad. That night is suppose to be all about the kids leaving and being happy. I don't need to see their cranky faces saying how I didn't achieve what I needed.

I'm honestly so stressed out right now. I cant think straight. when i try to study i start crying.. I don't tell anyone how stressed I am because I know everyone else is too. Considering finals is in 2weeks. I need an escape..

The time is here. Hello old friend. Or shall i say, my new best friend.

***

The cold blade had bought chills up my back. I haven't even made lines yet. I just left it there. At this point, I'm hurt that's what I am. Not only That I'm stressed, hurt, and mostly in pain. I just don't feel like doing a thing anymore. Perks of being depressed? not really. Normally I would make lines and not care how much it hurts. But since grad is tomorrow.. I don't really want to have that on my arm.

It sucks. Sitting here crying my eyes out. In reality right now, I'm just tired. Not tired as in I want to sleep. I'm tired as in I just want to leave. I miss my nana, she was always the only who cared in my family. When everyone in my family was bulling me, she stayed and cheered me up. How much do I miss her though? honestly at this point i feel like I can't trust anyone anymore.

The second I let the blade cut through my skin.. It hurts a lot. Not just on my skin, it hurts deep down because as the blood slowly come out, I felt all my stress slowly going away. But at the same time I'm hurting my body even more.

I know if I told Katlaina she will be sad as well. And I just can't do that to her. I know she's going through a lot. So why would I put her through that? She has bigger problems. As for me, my problems arent as big. And as for Cala, I know she won't let me see the sunlight. She'll be disappointed and yell at me, but she means well. She does all that because she cares. No matter what happens she'll still be there.

Really, at this point.. I'm just done. I would text Tyler right now and tell him how much I need him close by and how I need his hugs. Mostly him being true to me and I can be myself with him, but then again he never did cared. Like I said before.

No one cares. Unless your pretty or dead.

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Haaay guuuuys haaaay 💁 what do you guys think of the book so far? Do you guys like it? Ill be posting randomly. It depends if I'm lazy or not. :$ && I'm planning to write an fanfric. Any ideas? Keep voting & if follow me, I'll follow back. Love you guys so much for reading this book. I got 115reads today which is actually so cool! Xoxo

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