My Deadly Little Secret (completed)

My Final Goodbye

I never understood why do you have to push a person so far that they want to just end their lives. Is it really that necessary? I'm honestly way over my head. It sucks. I don't know what's real, what's not.

I'm Broken... I don't want to be here anymore. I'm crying myself to sleep, I disappoint everyone. Some of my best friends left me. I'm always sad. No one understand me. Everything is falling apart in my hands. I'm losing everything...

When I was 4years old my parents got kicked out of my grandparents house. They didnt have the money to suppose me. I was the fault to why my mum quit her job. No one wanted to take care of me. Since she had no job, we didnt have the money to pay our bills. Got kicked out, no money... All my fault...

When I turned 5, school was a living hell for me. I had no friends, no one wanted to talk to me. I don't know what I did wrong. I never went to preschool. I was bullied All the way to grade 6... For no reason.. Maybe I wasn't good enough..

I thought going to grade one was better, but it's not. Going to school get bullied, going home I get abused... What did I do wrong? I was only a 6years old girl... Why would you abused me? For not listening... I promise I can change. I'm sorry.. Please... I hate this, Having bruises...

When I turned 7... I was almost killed. I'm not exaggerating. It's all real. Just cause I refused to do something, my punishment was somehow putting my life on the line. I was being suffocated. I tried to fight my way out, but I couldn't. Thank god the person let go.. Otherwise I don't know what Or where I be..

When I turned 8, I wished on my birthday that this year everything will be okay. But it didnt stop there. Being abused and being bullied continued. Is there no end? Mostly when an 8year old.. Watched someone being killed in front of them... How can I ever forget that moment..

Year 10 came around. I remember this year clearly because I lost my grandmother. I remember going to the funeral and just pinching myself promising not to not cry. But I lost it the second I saw my grandmother in the coffin with her eyes closed. I wanted to run up to her and just wake her up, but I knew it didn't work, she was the only one who cared for me when my whole family bullied me, she listened. She was kind hearted. Honestly god... Why would you take away the good people and let all the fuck heads walk away with crimes? Why must you take away all the amazing people. Not a night that has pass where I have not question god for that.

The same year, I was nearly killed once again. I was in Mexico with my family and my dad's co-worker family. I was just a kid who likes to have fun. So I kept splashing water in their faces. They knew I couldn't swim... As a sick joke, they took away the tire floaty... & sink my head in the pool for god knows how long. All I remember was I was gone for a bit. Till I woke up coughing up water laying on the ground. It was horrible. I don't remember who it was, but I heard a voice saying I deserved it... I guess I did... I'm sorry for having fun..

Finally at age 12, I'm off to junior high. The bullying finally stop, but ill be honest. Liking someone sucks. I liked this guy who was a year older than me. His name is kyle. I told Taylor about him, I told her how she should tell him for me. But instead somehow these other girl told Kyle before taylor did... Those girls screamed it across Dairy Queen for Kyle to hear. Of course if he heard it, everyone else heard it. Ever since that day, he kept saying "i love you" to me. He kept texting me... But it's all fake. He was leading me on... Just to impress the most popular girl... He was the reason why I cut in the first place... I just lost it. Worst part is everyone knew he was leading me on except me... I believed every single thing.

In grade 8, age 13. I finally changed everything. I changed my looks, my attitude. Everything. Except that's my problem. I changed.. Which made people think different about me. Whenever my grandpa is drunk he would always make me drink some as well, just because my parents aren't around. And all of my uncles would just look at my tits and butt... I feel so violated. Mostly when my grandpa touch me all the time..... Isn't this sexual harassment?! I can say a thing because I have no prof...