My Deadly Little Secret (completed)

Great Just Great

I always never was the prettiest girl in the whole school or even in just my class. I was never the most popular girl in my school nor the smartest girl. But I knew for a fact. I was the girl who likes to cut herself and just keep wanting to die.

Thats Not really something to be proud of, but at least I have a name.. Or an identity. Sometimes I feel like I'm always alone. Even when I'm around my family. i just like to be alone. Why do I isolate myself like this? Well.. Then again I always hated everything, maybe that's why.

Cala was right. Either I have to stop being so mad at the world, or I should just stop looking at people in general. She honestly did have a point.

Maybe I should just stop. Stop everything. Maybe I should go. She didnt intended like that. But I really don't need the attentions. I don't need to feel this way every single day. What I do need is to go. Now.

Everyday, I always walk my sister to school. She has a little park by the school. I go there every morning and I just sit there. People may think I'm crazy cause I'm sitting here alone with this crazy ass wind. But I had a chance to clear my mind a lot. It really helps. Mostly when no one's around making me feel bad or making me feel awkward.

Kat has been super busy lately and she clearly doesn't need my company anymore. It's not that I'm assuming. It's just she was always more independent than me. She could always handle things better than I ever could.

Today, I had plans for a lunch date with Cala, wren, and Tyler. It wasn't really a lunch date, It's what I call all my plans. A date. I don't know. It just sound kinda weird but it's who I am.

All day it was just shit. I didn't feel like doing anything. I was just ready to give up my all year of learning up. I'm just tired. It's hard to explain what I mean. All I know is, I feel like giving up.

Finally it's lunch. Spending time with my best friend and the guy I like. Fuck yes, I'm excited. I don't know why, but I keep feeling like he's going to bail. He won't come, like always.

Sure enough, wren was at my locker so was Tyler. I can't believe this. It might actually happened. Oh the irony got to love it...

Right when wren was done talking to me, he walked away.. As along with Tyler. they both just walked away, simple as that. What the fuck. All Tyler had said to me was hi. And then he just left. I just had been ditched.. Suddenly I feel like I just can't do anything without second thinking.

At lunch I just went with Cala. She seems a wee bit down, but she doesn't want to talk about it. So all I did was find random stuff to talk about. She prob doesnt feel good. Or thinks im annoying. But i didnt want to bug her anymore. At this point I can't think straight.

First thing on my mind was that how Tyler just ditched me. He always bails on me without telling me. And Silly Me for thinking it would work. he remembers all his plans with Emily.. Typical. Goes for the whore. She dates a new guy every week!

The Second thing on my mind was how All my friends has been acting so distance from me. Did I do something wrong? What's going on.. Why are people treating me like this?

When both Cala and I walked back to school. That's when I saw it. Tyler and Emily. What the fuck is this?! He told me he was mad at her and he wants nothing to do with her. now he's hugging and being such a womanizer. He lied to me..

If that wasn't bad enough. He started to flirt with Stella in front of me. Why? hes doing all the things he did to me. Is he trying to break my heart? I feel lead on.. I honestly can't right now. First my friends now Tyler. What's next? I'm failing in school?!

What's with all the irony today?! Fuck sakes.. Of course out of all the days, they had pick today to show us our marks. Well. I got less that 40% on 2/4 of my main courses.. Great. Just fucking great.