My Deadly Little Secret (completed)

Never ever last

Honestly the last few days I had been hiding so much. I had fooled so many people. They asked if I'm okay, I lied and said I am. Why should I explain how I feel to people who won't give a damn for me? Yeah they care. But do they really or are they just curious?

Just yesterday, we had a storm warning.. I honestly thought we all were going to die. I was so scared. So I told everyone how I felt about them. I can't live with myself imaging the fact that someone close to me could possibly die. It just hurts to even think about it.

I bought a lot of people closer to me though. That was the good thing. But some just took that chance to stop talking to me.

At the exact moment, Katlaina snapped me out of my flashback. I had just realized that it was school. Great. That's just great. Now I'm having random flashbacks? Okay. That's just fucking normal. The most normal part is I didn't even know I was having a flashback.

Today we have a run. A 5K run. Like honestly, whoever created this.. Hope your happy! We do this twice a year. Thank god I'm done with this next year. I'm always the slowest for this shit.

I was suppose to run with Cala, but she told me that she isn't coming, then guess what? She's here and running with Daisy. I'm not mad at her or anything. It's just I don't get it.. Is she still that mad at me? Or is she distracted by Ursula? Honestly I just don't give a shit anymore. She been blocking me out ever since the ring..

Just yesterday we were both laughing and having fun.. What happened..

I was always the person who knew happiness was too good to be true. It's always like that. But I didn't let that ruin my day.

I'm just tired of everyone bullshiting now a days, I care for everyone. But at the end, i care way too much for people who cant take a second and be like "dont lie, i know your not okay" i would be honest, if they said that. I just can't handle it. If people wants to be around me, they will make the effort. I'm done being a people pleaser..

As Kat and I ran, I left her half way. She was in so much pain so that's why I just ran ahead. She said I could. How bad as a friend am I?! Yeah. Negativity is back once again. Once again. Another bad day. I tried to be happy, but nope. Those saying in my head is back..

As I cross the finish line, I got 41mins. Shit. I didn't know I took that long, then again I did walk and run. Imagine actually running the 5K that's crazy. It's so tiring, I rather do the finals now than run this shit. But it did clear my mind. Showed me the truth about things.

When we were allow back in the school. Tyler came out of no where and he pushed me into the lockers. Honestly. What the fuck is wrong with him. I'm so tired, i want to go home. I'm not in the Mother fucking mood to be pushed around or be played..

When he had turn back around, he said he's sorry. And at that point, he had gave me a hug, the kind of hug where he lifted me up off of the ground. Am I the only girl that's crazy, I always fall over and over again for him.

When he finally put me down, he decided to carry me bridal style. It's crazy, but I felt safe. I never felt more safe than in his arms. Call me a dreamer, but I'm one of those types of girls who are suckers for love stories.

Sometimes I wonder, yeah he hurt me, but was it all in my head? And at least after the run, I know what's good for me and what's not. Can't wait to transfer into another high school instead of the one I'm going to now.

When Daisy, Alex, Taylor, Kat, and I were the only ones left at mine and Alex's lockers, we talked about random stuff. When Daisy and Kat left, I Till I told Alex when he just stares deep in my eyes, I feel like he's stealing my soul.

He thought i was being rude, but It's not just him, it's in general, I get so scared when people just look deep in my eyes. I feel really awkward and it bugs me.

By the time Everyone had said their goodbyes. i got home and that's when I somehow just lost it.

Once again. Turns out I can't keep any pain in for a long period of time.