Is it Safe to go Back?

On the Road//Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Let's do one last double check!" my dad yelled at me from the other side of the fifth wheel. He was draining the sewage and lifting the landing legs up. We were hooked up and almost ready to leave the campground. I walked around the old 1994 travel supreme fifth wheel that we had renovated and were now traveling across the country with. This was a normal morning for us, we wake up eat breakfast and then pack the truck for another long day of driving. I made sure I had the necessities, Phone, phone charger, iPod, iPod charger, laptop, laptop charger, and earphones. I also grabbed my aeropostale sweatshirt and threw it in the truck with my things. It was the middle of October and we were driving across the northern part of the country. We started in Washington, then we were in Idaho for a night, on the second night we were in Montana, last night we were in South Dakota, on our fourth night we will be in Iowa, and on our fifth night we will be in West Virginia; we are on our way back to Virginia. We had lived in Virginia before I missed it so much, I couldn't believe we were going back. I've moved 6 times before and every time it was to someplace new. I've never moved somewhere that I had already lived at before. I was filled with excitement since I would be able to see my friends but nervous because so many bad memories happened there. "Everything's locked up!" I yell back to my father.

"Go ahead and get in the car then and we'll be going shortly." I walked to the truck and hopped in; I saw my cat sitting in my seat. She looked so peaceful sleeping there. I hated to have to move her,

"Come on Lucy. You've got to move." I said as I picked her up and put her in the seat next to me. I sat down and turned my music on, I sang along to the words as Fall Out Boy rang through my ears. As I listened to the song my dad started the truck and we left the campground. It was warm in the car compared to the crisp cold South Dakota weather. When we had woke up this morning I was kind of excited because the water had froze in the holding tank so we couldn't get make coffee or anything. For a little bit I thought we were going to get to go to Starbucks, but of course right when I got my hopes up for that my dad got the water working. So no Starbucks for today... I continue to listen to my music and write stories on my laptop. I have an old dell inspiron 1501 that I mainly use for writing. The poor thing's battery doesn't work unless it's plugged in and even then sometimes it shuts off while I'm in the middle of googling something so that's why I mainly use it for writing. My cat meows as she tries to climb in my lap pressing random keys on the keyboard. I love this cat but she can get kind of annoying sometimes. I pick her up and move her to the other side of me and she lays down there. She starts purring as I gently stroke her fur thinking about what to write next. I stay in this position for about 5 minutes before I pass out. I don't know why I was so tired but man I was gone from the world for few hours.

I wake up to the sound of a soothing voice calling my name. I let out a little laugh and jump up running after him. I hear him giggling as I try to catch up to him. He knows he's faster than me and he doesn't hide it. Yes, he's a cocky asshole but I love him anyway. He trips over a tree branch and he started to slow down a little. I take this chance to go into a full on sprint and jump on top of him. We both laugh for a little while rolling around in pain from laughing so hard. I looked into his dreamy blue sparkling eyes. Those eyes captivated me so much.

"Belle" he says his nickname for me looking at me with loving eyes.

"Yes?" I answered him not expecting what he said next.

"I love you." Those three words would have sent any other girls heart fluttering but I just looked at him in shock. No I'm not your average girl. I punch him playfully.

"I hate you too Sammy" I said laughing. We both knew that was my way of saying I loved him too. Even though I no longer believe in love.

I woke up screaming and crying all at the same time in one big jumbled mess. I continued to cry the warm salty liquid covering my face, almost suffocating me. My parents kept asking what's wrong but I blocked them out. They knew what he had done and it didn't take them long to catch on.

"Another one of those dreams?" my mother asks with obvious sadness in her voice. We all lost someone that day less than 1 year ago. It was still a raw wound, just starting to heal for all of us. I said nothing but I nodded my head in agreement. Neither one of my parents said anything after that, they just let me cry. I tried to stop crying as soon as possible, thinking about how if he saw me right now he would be laughing his cocky head off. He would have won, "I can't give him that satisfaction" I tell myself. Even though there was no reason, he couldn't get to me anymore. He was far away where he couldn't escape and I know he wouldn't be getting away from that place anytime soon. I still feel as though he's sitting in this car right next to me, smirking at my weakness. Seeing how long it would take me to completely break. That's all he was ever doing anyways. Getting me to let me guard down to him, making me weaker and more vulnerable. Just so he could break me. He never really loved me. It was true though, he said he did but I know he never did. He lied to me...

I eventually stopped crying. The rest of the day went pretty normal for my family. We stopped for a short time to get some lunch and then continued driving. I listened to my music practically all day, trying not to think about him. I didn't write anymore for the rest of the day. When we pulled into the campground that night I ate my dinner quickly, changed into my pajamas, and laid down on the couch to attempt to go to sleep. That didn't work out very well though

It's currently 1:34 am. I haven't gotten one inch of sleep at all tonight. Everytime I close my eyes all I see are his blue eyes laughing at how weak I am. I have to be up at 7:00 today. In 6 hours, I would be eating breakfast with mom and dad and then packing the stuff up for another long day in the car as we get closer to Virginia each day I get more excited and nervous at the same time. Yes, my friends are there and he's not there. He's far away in prison but Virginia is where everything happened. I text one of my closest friends, Sam, and ask her how things are back there. I don't expect her to answer anytime soon, especially because of the time difference right now. I sit in the darkness of the fifth wheel and cold Iowa weather wanting nothing more than to go to sleep. But of course the universe can't even grant me that....