X, Luca

Chapter V

Journal,

I can't stand school. Like I understand that having an education is important and that I'm grateful enough to have one, but I can't stand it.

Teachers don't understand that I have a life. My life does not just rely on school. I have other things to do- my Nönna is sick that in itself stresses me out. When you've lost both of your parents to a disease that more or less you know nothing about, it's hard to lose the only person who understands you more than yourself. To have the woman whose basically raised you become sick and hurting- it becomes stressful because you don't know if tomorrow is going to be promised.

That's the thing with school though, they don't understand that you're hurting and you don't have time to do things the best to your ability. My life isn't perfect, it doesn't revolve around school.

Times aren't the same- millions of kids are diagnosed with a mental illness every day. While, when the teachers at Lakeview High were never diagnosed, they never lost their parents at the age of five, they never battled anxiety and depression on a daily, they never had a life as tough as my generation.

I can't stand school because they expect us to be so happy to learn when they teach us about things we already know about. We know about wars across the world- we've grown up with them. We know about racism and oppression- we live that. We know that we're addicted to our phones- society made it that way. We know everything they teach us because it's a been there done that kind of thing.

That's why I can't stand school. Granted I'm not depressed and anxious all the time, I have my happy moments. Those are with Skye mostly, she's the one that makes me the happiest out of everything. When you're used to living a dark and sad life, there's not much that can make you happy.

That's another reason why I love Skye. She makes any panic attack, any depressive state, any moment where I'm not happy- turn into a situation that's full of giggles and cuddles. She's my happy place, my walking, breathing happy place.

x Luca