X, Luca

Chapter VI

Journal,
"Bad days turn better when I'm with you."

It happened again and she was there in an instant. It was three o'clock in the afternoon and I wanted to be alone. Nönna had a doctors appointment today and she said that nothing's really looking up. I didn't want to be the center of attention, I didn't want anyone to have me in their sight or for them to be in mine.

It's scary having this happen and in one of the most important years of my life. I stopped responding to any and all texts, calls or anything of that nature. I sat in a corner of my literal grey bedroom and shook. I shook but didn't cry until she walked through the door. When she sat down next to me- I lost it. I didn't care that I had to be a "man". This was hard and it wasn't the first time she saw me like this.

"Just let it out, baby. Let it out," Was repeated over my loud sobs and the continuous circles being rubbed into my back.
"Nobody gets it you know?" I sobbed into her shoulder, feeling bad that I was ruining a piece of her clothing with my tears but I knew she didn't mind.
"They don't understand how fucking hard it is to live a life like this. I'm more or less an orphan! I'm just a pathetic waste of space and nobody understands," I screamed, but the velocity at which I screamed was muffled by her shoulder.

"You're not a waste of space. You're more than that. You're this beautiful Italian abundance of color and radiance. You're a handsome bundle of cuddles and warmth. And you're most importantly loved by the people you hold close," She whispers while running her fingers through my hair.

"No one gets it because no one's been through it, Luca. But they try and that's all that matters. They try to understand your depression and anxiety because you los- because you went through traumatic things when you were only five years old. They try to understand why you're so protective of your Nönna and of me. And it may feel like they don't get it but they're trying baby. They're trying."

I nod and hold her tighter, quieting my quick breaths for air and the steady stream of tears. "Can we get out of here? I don't think I can be in this house right now," I mumble quietly, not trusting my words. She simply nods and asks me where I want to go. "The beach?" I question, and for the first time, I look into her eyes to see how strained they were from holding back her tears.

"Yeah let's do that," She smiles at me while wiping away a stray tear. I get up and hold my hand out for her. "I'm happy I keep my cute swimsuits at your house," She giggles, making me smile for the first time today. "You should also be happy that you have this mess too," I joke, motioning to my body. "Well, I love my mess," She says casually, walking up to me and placing a quick kiss on my lips.

She forces me to turn around so she can change. When she allows me to turn back, she's dressed in a black bikini with a mint-ish sweater over it. I tug on my swim shorts, not caring if she's watching- it's not something we haven't done or seen before, and grab two pairs of sandals for the both of us.

I grab my phone and guitar bag, while she grabs her phone and bag that she carries everywhere with her. I walk into the kitchen before leaving, placing a tender kiss onto Nönna's head and saying "Siamo diretti alla spiaggia. Tornerò prima delle nove. Chiamami se hai bisogno di qualcosa, ti amo Nönna." She nods and shoos me out the door with Skye.

We reached the beach in a matter of minutes, seeing as though there was no traffic and we lived close by. We pulled on some sunglasses, grabbed our things and walked over to our usual spot, the little alcove right under the boardwalk. Skye pulled out a writing pad, while I tuned my guitar.

"Ready?" I ask and she nods in response.
"Dark days say no. That you won't make it back home. But I have something they don't know and it's all about you. Youuuuuu, youuuu." I stop to look out at the ocean and then at her before continuing. "My bad days turn better when I'm with you. Turn better when I'm with you. They turn better with you." I finish, shrugging, not too sure about the lyrics.

"That was great baby," Skye smiles, putting away the pad, knowing I didn't have much of anything else left.
"I thought it was alright," I sigh, placing my guitar in the sand.
"You're such an ass," She giggled, shaking her head.
"Whatever," I mock her voice while kicking some sand at her.

"Luca stop!" She screamed, getting up and running away from me. I got up with a fist full of sand and aimed for her back. "Oh my god Luca I hate you." She laughs trying to find a place to run. I don't let her escape, and pick her up in my arms.

"You love me, say it because I know you do," I said raising her a bit.
"I do not," She protested, jokingly, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist.
"Yes, you do silly," I argued, placing a pout onto my face.
"How would you know?" She questioned, trying to quiet her oncoming giggle.
"Because I just do. It's an Italian thing," I laugh now at her pout.
"I don't think it's an Italian thing," She mumbled.

"It so is. All you gotta do is say you love me."
"Fineeee, I love you Luca," She smiles.
"Wait, you do?" I fake, causing her to laugh obnoxiously. "I'm only kidding I love you as well. My little Arabian princess."

I just thought I should write this down so I don't forget how amazing of a girlfriend I have.

x Luca