Freeing Myself

Never Tell-Trigger Warning

Write a Story that involves a count down from 10 to 1.

***TRIGGER WARNING***

10

Breath in. Breath out.

It's not that bad. It can't possibly be that bad. I look down at the pink slip in my hand demanding i go to the counseling office. I know I hid the bruises well. I've been studying Youtube make up tutorials religiously. Like it's my job or something.

I look up into the mirror in the girls bathroom. I'm losing feeling in my hand from gripping the sink so tight. My face is flushed. Piercing green eyes stare back at me. I look away. The panic rising yet again. I'm never in trouble. there's no reason for me to go to any office. I've never even had so much as a detention.

9

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I pull away from the mirror and head toward the door. I focus on slowing my heart and ignoring the blood pulsing in my head. It's a short walk down the hallway from the bathroom. I have maybe a minute to calm myself.

"Relax," I say out loud to myself in a whisper. I walk as slowly as I can. Composure is necessary for this. Especially if it's about the bruises. There are other people to consider aside from myself.

8

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I knock lightly on the door.

"Come in," Mrs. Pullman urges cheerily from behind the door. I open the door slowly and give her my most winning smile. This I can do. I can fake it.

"Have a seat Adriana," she smiles innocently. She's trying to lull me into a false sense of security and I know it. "Do you know why I asked you here?"

"No, I really don't. I'm a good student, and I've never been in trouble. Quite frankly I'm very confused," I say very formally. I don't want to give myself away.

"Well Adriana it has been brought to my attention by a concerned student that you may possibly be involved with SI. Do you know what that is?" she asks like I'd give her an honest answer to that question.

"Not the faintest idea," I pause as if thinking, "Social Insecurity?" She laughs in response, but I can feel the panic again.

7

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"No Adriana, SI is an abbreviation for Self Injury. Or Self Harm." She's watching me closely I can feel the panic getting stronger and stronger.

6

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Why would anyone say such a thing? That's horrible." I try my best to look shocked, which honestly isn't that hard. I'm shocked. I thought this was something else entirely. She studies my closely trying to make eye contact. I hold her gaze for a moment before I look away. I can hear her talking but I'm not listening to anything she is saying any longer. Does the gossip at this god forsaken school ever end? Does anyone get tired of the bullying? I feel tears burn my eyes.

5

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Adriana," She starts softly, "can you do me a favor and please roll up the sleeves on your cardigan?" The panic begins to kick into over drive.

"What? Why?" I ask frantically. She gives me a look like she actually pities me.

4

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"No, I'm not going to do that. That's absolutely ridiculous. You've got to be fucking joking!" My voice is rising and shaking with every word.

"I'm not trying to attack you. I don't believe this much myself, but I have to take these kinds of things seriously. So please, roll up your sleeves or I'll have no choice but to have security come and do it," She says evenly and calmly.

3

Breathe in. Breathe Out.

I'm crying now. Sheer embarrassment and upset evident in every move I make. I jerk my left sleeve up roughly.

2

Breathe in. Breathe out.

The right sleeve follows. There's a shocked gasp, and few questions follow.

"Why would you do this to yourself, Adriana? You have so much going for you?"

1

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Complete calm sets in and I lock eyes with a terrified Mrs. Pullman.

"I don't want anything going for me. Not even a heart beat. "

Silence.