Freeing Myself

Smile with Love

"You always smile like you're about to cry"

"You always smile like you're about to cry," he said with concern etched on his face. She shot him a disapproving look. He knew how she felt about this topic, yet he insisted on broaching it constantly.

"Then maybe, you should try not to make me smile if it bothers you so much." She was stern, and all the frustration rolled out in that one sentence. To her surprise a low laugh escaped his lips. She looked at him confused.

"I can't help it, you're just so cute," he laughed louder with that. She felt the blush creep over her cheeks as her irritation grew.

"You're pushing it, mister. " He laughed even harder, and she couldn't help but join him. They're friendship was odd at the best of times. He enjoyed irritating her and he enjoyed her talking shit to him. They got along on a level that was profound. She didn't really have to say anything, he just knew, as did she. They walked along the street aimlessly trying to find something to do.

" You know you can talk about it with me if you want," he was gentle, it was a prodding to know, but an unwillingness to force her to talk. She knew she could trust him. She knew she could hurt him just as easily if she said the wrong thing, but they didn't keep secrets from each other. He was the only person she was completely honest with.

"I don't know, its just been hard lately," she smiled sadly again and looked toward the street, "I've been trying to find my place in a world that doesn't seem to want me in it. Every day is a struggle, like the hardest kind of struggle. It's all internal though, and in my head. Just me being crazy." She let out a sad laugh, and hadn't realized she was crying until he was wiping the tear off her cheek. She pulled away.

"I know a few people that wouldn't be able to make it in this world without you in it. Even if they don't show it, or you really do feel that alone. I need you, princess. " It was a soft whisper but she still heard.

"You know how I feel about being called that." She glared at him, trying to change the subject from such dark matter. He didn't need to know her like this. He already did, but she didn't need to make it worse.

"I know, but i don't mean it that way, and besides you'll always be a princess to me, love." He let out a laugh again when he caught her roll her eyes.

"You're a problem, you know that? An absolute problem with no solution."

"Be my solution." They both irrupted into laughter. She pushed him gently off the sidewalk into the grass and shook her head.

"There's no solution for you. Or did you miss that part?" She said lightly, smiling. She was sure the smile was still sad, but it was genuine. She was happy in that moment.

"There is," He said carefully,, weighing the outcome of what he was about to say, " She just doesn't realize it yet."

"You know I can't." She said it quickly and looked away walking a little faster.

"I'm not asking you to, love, I'm just asking you to realize exactly what you mean to me and everyone else that knows you." She turned to look at him again. Confusion evident on her face. She was watching him closely, she was looking to find anything that would tell her what exactly he knew. How he was reading her.

"You're going soft on me mister, remind me to find someone more in control." She laughed and smiled at him again. The mood lightened back up, and they continued their aimless walk together.