Thought Of You~ Tronnor

Goodbye To You ~21

Things were going so well. So, so well. I had a supportive boyfriend and life was slowly getting better and better.

It can only go up from here, right?

Wrong. Oh so wrong.

That's why I'm here in this damned hospital bed. Things didn't go up. In fact, I went down.

~Flashback~

"It's all you ever do anymore, Troye!" Connor's face looks exhausted and visibly upset. His hands lay limply on the wheel of the stationary car.

"I can't help it, Con! I've tried to be there less, but it's important!" I try to make him see my side, not raising my voice. It comes out as more of a whimper than an argument. "It's my job, how else will I get money?!" I sigh and place my head in my hands, trying to stay calm. I can't get angry, I don't want to make this worse.

"I- I don't know! I just feel like you're always leaving me and I- I really don't like you never being here. Troye, I don't like it." Connor chokes, not daring to look me in the eye. His voice is quiet but angry and sad. He's letting out his pent up feelings and I don't know how to reply.

My hands shaking, I try to make sense of my thoughts. "I'm not, I wouldn't do that. You know- Well, I thought you knew that. I just- You don't understand..." I splutter, hiding the tears from his sight. He can't know I'm crying.

"OF COURSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" His voice raises to a yell and I can see his face turn red. However this time it's not in a blush, it's in anger. "I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON'T TELL ME!" He adds, his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel. "Sorry-" He huffs and lowers his voice again. "I shouldn't have yelled."

Giving up on restraints, I tell him how it is. "Too fucking right. You know how much I don't like shouting. You know that it makes me scared, Connor. I didn't think you would scare me. I'm sick of this." I release my head from my hands and instead lean against the glass window of the passenger side door.

"YOU'RE sick of this? Really, Troye? Because last time I checked I'M the one chasing you around and having to constantly check whether you're off with some celebrity at an event you never invite me to! I'M done with this." Connor lifts his head from his hands and his eyes bore into the side of my head as he shoots each word at me like bullets. "I used to think what you're doing was amazing. But it's not as amazing as I thought, apparently. What do I get up of it? Gas bills? A Taylor Swift favorite? It's not worth it, not for me."

"Are-" I meet his gaze with cowering eyes. "Are you breaking up with me?" I swallow as many of my emotions as possible with a painful gulp. What I assume is the last tear slowly runs a track down my cheek.

"I..." His voice lowers to a whisper, his eyes which held the utmost anger suddenly soften slightly. "I guess so." As if it's hurting him, he diverts his eyes down to his feet.

With no words exchanged or tears formed, I shakily open the door and, without slamming it, push it back shut. That's when I run. I run, and run some more. I don't know where I'm going, or where I am, but I run there nonetheless. When I stop, unable to continue, I lean myself against a brick wall. That's when the tears I thought I'd ran out of come back. And, oh boy, did they come back.

My head pounds along with my thumping heart. My body falls limply down the the sidewalk with a quiet thud as I let the river of confused emotions drown away my dignity.