Thought Of You~ Tronnor

Thinking Out Loud ~22

To Con: Have a good life. I wish you the best, honestly.

1 new message from Con: I'm sorry, goodbye Troye.

To Con: There's nothing to forgive.

[Delete contact]

Are you sure you want to delete this contact?

I'm not, at all. In fact, all I really want to do is call him and cry.

[Yes]

Contact deleted.

Maybe he'll come back? Maybe, if I keep on hoping. Maybe something good will happen. Jealousy, selfishness, sadness. I don't know what it was, but I kept telling myself that. I knew I was probably lying to myself, but maybe he can't be happy without me either. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be okay.

Who am I kidding? He looked happy with the man I didn't recognise. He's happy without me.

Images of the strange man won't leave my mind. His blond hair and odd demeanour confuse me. Does he make Connor happy? Does he make Connor smile? Is he a good man? Should I be jealous? Will he break his heart? Please don't break his heart, strange man. I don't know you, but I care about Connor. Strange man, I really do. He broke my heart, and still is. But please, strange man, don't do that to him. As upset as he makes me, I still care. Strange man, I'm not afraid of you, merely concerned. Please take care of him. Promise me you'll hold onto him and never let him get hurt. I wish it was me holding him, God do I wish it was me, but please don't let go. Strange man, I hope you and Connor are happy, as jealous as it makes me. I feel like I'm dying everyday behind the smile I force onto my face. You can't fix that, strange man. Neither can Connor. If Connor came back, if he did, I would still be broken. He broke me, but he can't always fix me. Nobody can, really. Strange man, love, cherish, hold, care for and never, ever let go of him. He's a blessing, he really is. With every blessing there's a curse and I guess mine was that the blessing didn't last forever. I got my taste of perfection, and now I have to live knowing I can't have it back. You, strange man, have to cherish that. Perfection isn't a thing, nothing is perfect. But if all of us didn't have an idea of perfection, the concept wouldn't have been a thing. My idea is Connor. His heart is perfect, his mind is perfect, his eyes are perfect, his voice is perfect, his being is perfect. Oxford might tell you someone perfect is free from any flaw or defect. I tell you perfection is in the form of Connor. He has his flaws, his defects. But he's still perfect. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has ever made me as happy as he has. Strange man, love him with all your heart. And if he breaks yours, tell the next strange man to love him too.

Strange man, I may despise you, but don't be like me.

~~~~~~~

I was out of the hospital within a few days. I had a few painkillers I had to take with me, but apart from that I was free. My parents came and drove me home straight away. The next few weeks were uneventful, apart from the few questions about the two which ended in a less tears response every time.

I graduated. I finished school without looking back at him. Obviously I'd seen him around, but neither of us made an effort to acknowledge each other.

It hurt at first, a lot. My blessing was constantly there, but he was unreachable. If I ever did think I could greet him, he was gone. Over time, I got over it. I kept my head down and ploughed through the last year of school.

Blocked on every site possible, the only way I heard about his life was through over hearing other people discussing it. Korey and Tyler promised never to speak of him unless I specifically asked them to, which I never did. From what I heard, the strange man and him are dating. The man doesn't go to our school. He's from our town, though.