Dear Scott..

January 17

School was peaceful. We went to our classes and it went on as normal. It surprised me, actually because of what happened yesterday. Ryan wasn't there today. Maybe he needed to collect himself some more. I didn't feel guilty for what I had done to him. After all, he came at me. He also came at you. I couldn't just stand there and watch you lying on the floor in pain. Definitely not.

I'd do anything for you.

I am now sitting in your car. It is after school and you needed to stay after an extra 5 minutes. You said you needed to talk to a teacher...but all the teachers had left. Oh well. I'm trying not to think about to the extent that I become a controlling boyfriend. I love calling you that. I love it when you call me that. It makes me feel safe and secure.

The party is definitely something I am not looking forward to in the slightest. I don't even know why I agreed to go with you. Everybody knows nothing good happens at teen parties. Plus, everyone still hates me for being gay. Maybe my fight with Ryan yesterday will make everyone back off. Unless Ryan is going to the party, then I am in big trouble. I figured he wasn't going to be there since he was in a higher grade. I heard him say before that sophomore parties are boring as hell. He is a senior.

I see you walk out from around the school, wondering why you weren't even inside of the school. I shift in my seat and unlock the doors with the button on the side of the door. As you approach closer, I decide on asking what you went in for and what exactly happened. Why did you take so long? And why didn't you even go into the school? But I just sit here. It wasn't my business and to be completely honest, I'm overreacting way too fucking much. I sit here in silence.

"Sorry I took so long," you laugh as you jump into the vehicle and adjust the seat-belt before closing the door and pulling it around you. I hear the click of your seat-belt and look away from you. I'm sitting here writing this, hoping you don't comment on my silence. You knew I am not a quiet person.

"Mitch?"

I look up.

"Why are you being so quiet?"

Shit.

"I'm just thinking, I guess." Please let the conversation end here. I don't want to talk much about this. I have the party on my mind and I'm freaking out over it. I don't know what to say to you at this moment.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Things." I answer simply. You laugh at my answer. It wasn't funny, though. I just want to talk about something else. Desperately.

"You know you can tell me things right? I won't judge you or anything like that. I mean after all, I am your boyfriend."

This time I laugh.

"Although you look like someone who would judge my being, that's not what I'm worried about." I mentally slap myself for admitting I was worried about something. I couldn't help it. You make me forget about everything and just focus on you. Everything about you.

"Then what are you worried about, babe."

I sigh and speak quietly, "I guess it's the party." You nod and look at the steering wheel.

"You know you don't have to go right? I was invited by my friend and I found out it was at a romantic place so I simply thought you would like to go along. However, I do understand and except if you do not want to attend it with me."

You seem so sincere. I need to stop worrying. You are my boyfriend. I need to be able to trust you. I do trust you. I need to just suck it up and fucking go. I sigh once more and clear my throat.

"I will attend."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes."

"Well okay," you lean over and kiss my cheek gently. I feel safe. Safe with you.

We leave the parking lot.

The car ride to your house was quiet. It worried me a little bit. I don't really want to be the reason you are upset or anything. Maybe there was just nothing for you to say. I'm hoping that is the case. When we arrived at your house I grabbed my shit and stopped in my tracks when you held your arm out. 

"How heavy is that thing?" You questioned motioning to my book bag.

"I can manage it, Scott."

"Oh surely not. You're just a little thing," you smirk and take my book bag off of my shoulder, then placing it on yours. You walk in with it on. I guess it was a bit heavy, but you are acting a bit strange. I don't understand why you all of the sudden decided to act more in love with me than you already did. I went with it. I love it.

You threw my book bag on the couch in your living room and I work my way over there to get out my homework. I have a ton of shit to do before the party because I would really like to spend the weekend with you. Well, most of my weekend. Some of the weekend would be spent hiding from my parents. We always have a family dinner close to this time to celebrate the new year. I thought it was fucking stupid. But apparently they want to keep the tradition going. I just know they will try to find me. Try to make my life more miserable than it is right now. I hate them. Both of them. It's amazing how the people you love end up turning their backs on you, but then the person you thought would never be a character involved in your life story ends up being the only person there for you in your time of need. 

I won't question the meaning of it. I spend too much time thinking and worrying about my life. Maybe it's time to take your advice and be a bit more laid back, yeah? I'll take it under consideration. I turn to do my homework.

The party is soon. 

--------------

I apologize for the short chapter. However, diary entries aren't always chapter size if you're catching my drift ahaha. This was kind of just a filler. The next chapter will be much longer and event filled. What do you think is up with Scott? -Ray