Dear Scott..

January 13

I am sitting here wondering what to do and blaming myself for almost everything. I'm not exactly sure why I think everything is my fault. I'm thinking about a lot in my life. Why was I failing almost all my classes in school? Maybe it's because I'm gay. Why did my mom and dad never really get along all the time? Maybe it's because I'm gay. Why did I only have one good friend? Maybe it's because I'm gay. Is everything because I'm gay?

I'm back Scott. I'm sorry I left you and didn't write that much, I fell asleep. I wish I was actually talking to you. Maybe you like me? I don't know what you think of me. Maybe Ryan didn't tell anyone. Maybe he was bluffing. Maybe you still think I'm cool and don't know that I'm madly in love with you. The scary thing is I don't know. I'll write later, my phone is blowing up for some reason...

Oh my gosh! Ryan did tell everyone! I wish I was still worrying and being negative about it than it actually fucking happening! Why does this all have to be happening at once? My parents already hate me for who I am and now probably the whole school does too, including you. Gosh, I didn't even think about what you probably think of me now, to be honest I think it's best that I don't know. My phone is blowing up with comments on my social media, text messages, and voicemails. All of them say at least something hurtful about me. I can't believe this is actually happening to me. Scott, do you hate me now? Do you want me out of your life? I wish I knew. These comments don't normally affect me, but now that everyone knows the person I truly am, it hurts even more. They aren't making fun of a rumor said about me or something I did once, no.. they are laughing at me.

I want to turn my phone off, but I'm numb. I don't want to be reminded I am a mistake because that's basically what everyone is saying, but to be honest I feel like I deserve it in some way. Any way. "Go kill yourself you faggot!" "Wow I can't believe you're gay! You're parents should have gotten you help lol." "Kill yourself." "Kill yourself!" "KILL YOURSELF!" Over and over and over again! I can't take it. I don't know how to deal with it, hell I don't even know where to go! I'm stranded out here and the only things I had to eat where a few things I packed when I left Megan's house. I'm starving! Maybe that's a good thing. It's what everyone wants. The negativity is taking over me slowly but fast at the same time. I am going completely insane.

I took a few minutes to calm down. I gained some positivity back and now I just need to find out what to do with myself. I think it's time to turn off my phone. I'm done with people. It's just me to myself now. I never thought it would come to this. Wow.

I grabbed my phone and turned it on. The bright screen lit up my face and my eyes were blurry. I held down the off button and one last notification appeared on my screen.

Scotthoying commented on your status, "Hey Mitch, I guess we have a lot to talk about huh? Meet me behind the school tomorrow?"