𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐄 ↠ 𝐓𝐨𝐦 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝

chapter 4: madness

"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings." - Lao Tzu

☆☆☆☆
Song for chapter:

Sasha Sloan - Too Sad To Cry

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WHEN I returned home yesterday, my parents weren't mad, only concerned as they usually are. They don't know that I harm myself and they don't know my hand is black and blue. I don't want them to worry anymore then they already do.

The only thing I remember was coming in my room and my ceiling fan was removed and replaced with a light. My mind was exhausted from thinking, so I laid down and fell fast asleep. Too tired to stay awake, and too tired to dream.

Right now is lunch and I decided to sit inside today because I didn't want to get soaking wet from the rain. The rain roars and bangs against the glass windows that are completely on one wall of the cafeteria.

I dip my french fry into the ketchup and eat. I have to admit, they have pretty good food here.

From afar, I see Emily laughing a few tables over from mine. The guy sitting next to her must have said something funny. Austin, I think his name is. The other red head girl laughs too. Must have been damn hilarious, but not hilarious enough to keep Austin's eyes from looking over here.

The whole time I've been sitting here and eating, he has been cutting eyes at me. If I remotely scan the room, I see him out of the corner of my eye.

I pull out my book from my backpack and read as a distraction. I look up from my book, then see him look at me. I quickly look back down, already annoyed. I can't even concentrate thanks to this asshole.

I sink deep into the written words.

Focus, focus.

I couldn't help but raise my head up and look over at their table. His brown eyes gaze over at me once again.

That's it. I get up, throw my food away and hurry through the double doors. I immediately feel relieved. The only thing is I have next hour with that weirdo.

Unfortunately the rest of lunch goes by quickly. I take my time walking into class, grabbing the strap of my backpack tightly. I enter right as the bell rings with Austin's eyes glued to me. He's sitting in the desk right in front of mine.

Dammit.

I walk over to my seat, avoiding his eyes as I sit down. He turns around in his seat, watching me place my notebook on my desk.

"You weren't here yesterday," he says, like a questionable, antagonizing father.

"Nope, I was not. Did you ask a rocket scientist to figure that out for you?" I say in response.

"Funny," he says. "You made me come to this class for nothing," he says.

Emily looks at Austin briefly as the words slipped from his mouth, then turns around in her desk.

"Oh, so you could "knock some sense into me"?" I say, quoting the words with my fingers.

"No," he says, seeming like I said the dumbest thing in the world.

"Then why were you looking at me at lunch?" I ask.

"I wasn't," he replies simply.

"Yes, you were."

"No, I wasn't," he says, keeping a straight face but I sense the humor he's trying to hide.

"Yeah, you were," I say, the attitude raising in my voice.