Phanfiction - Wonderboy

Part 19 - Help

Phils POV

 

As soon as I got home and calmed a bit down, I regretted what I’d said to Carrie. I didn’t mean it. She was the only friend I had in class, but it wasn’t true that I was friends with her, because she was the only one that wanted to be my friend. I loved her as a friend. She was funny, intelligent, creative, lovely company, but she was nosy. And nosiness was the last thing I needed right now. But she’s been there for me all along, so I had to apologize for being such an idiot. I picked up my phone and found her number and made the call.

“Yes?” Carrie said on the other line, sounding almost scared.

“Carrie, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean it! Honest! Just… please come over so we can talk. I’m sorry!” I said with a lump in my throat and my voice almost cracking.

“I’ll be over after school then.” she said.

At around 3 pm Carrie knocked on the door. I opened the door and led her inside. Kyle suddenly stood at the top of the stairs, giving us strange looks. I knew just what he was thinking. But then Carrie said

“Oh my god, what a cutie!”

Kyle’s head turned all red, and he walked fast to his room. I looked shocked at Carrie.

“How did you know he hates to be called those things?” I asked.

“You’re forgetting I’ve got one alike at home.” Carrie said and smiled.

I smiled at her and continued walking.

I was sitting in my chair while Carrie sat on the bed and played with one of the curls in her hair. I was thinking about how this situation reminded me of the time with Dan, where he apologized for trying to kiss me, and then I kissed him. The best day of my life. I still didn’t get how the best thing I’ve ever had can turn out to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

“Again, I’m so sorry, Carrie. I didn’t mean any of the things I said.” I started.

“Yes you did.” She said. “Yeah…but it wasn’t meant to come out so harsh.” I said.

“And I really didn’t mean that the only reason I was friends with you is because…”

“Yeah I know you only said it because you had all these feelings you needed to let out.” she said.

That was exactly what it was.

“Yes, that’s right!” I said.

“But you did mean that you wanted me off your back,” She then said.

“Well...”

“Because you’re feeling like shit without telling anyone about it.” she said.

“Right there, that’s what I mean. Everyone is so curious all the time!” I said.

“Phil, try to understand that I only want to help you, and the point that you’re not telling me about something that obviously destroys you so much, just makes me feel like you don’t trust me at all, and that you don’t see me as a friend.” Carrie said.

I sighed. She was right. But I wasn’t sure if she would just run out and tell everyone at school, if I told her. I wasn’t sure if I trusted her 100 percent.

“And Phil, you would just feel so much better if you told anyone about it. I’m talking ‘bout personal experience.” She said and looked me right in the eyes.

Again she was right. I would. I was actually at that place right now, where I didn’t care at all if she ran and told everybody. Nothing mattered anymore. So I took a deep breath. And then I told her everything. From the day I started, and Dan had caught up to me on the way back. The almost kissing, the rejection, the acceptance of my feelings, the kiss, the party, at the football field, then at Starbucks, outside the mall… the fight. And finally, Lily and Dan in bed with each other.

When I was done, the tears had already started to fall. Carrie looked unbelievably shocked. Then she got tears in her eyes. There were a few silent minutes.

Then she finally said “So you and Dan were together all along? And no one noticed? That’s freaking crazy! And then the fact that it was Howell! That’s incredible! I don’t really know what to say.”

I sighed.

“But oh my god, fuck Lily! How could she be such a slut! Just wait to I get my fingers on that girl…”

“Carrie, it’s not Lily’s fault. Trust me, I’ve tried to blame her all along, but it isn’t. She doesn’t know, so in her eyes she hasn’t done anything wrong.” I said.

“But Phil, I can’t believe this has happened. And you should just have told me, I wouldn’t have told anyone.” Carrie said.

“Well, it doesn’t matter anyway. It’s over. I’ve ruined everything.” I said.

“No no no no no Phil! This is not your fault!” Carrie almost yelled.

“Yes it is. If I hadn’t rejected him in the living room at the camp stay, he wouldn’t have slept with Lily and everything could’ve gone back to normal.” I said, and wiped away the new fallen tears.

“Phil, if you see it from Dan’s point of view, it probably took him a lot of courage to go talk to you. And then getting rejected must’ve hurt him so much. He was probably just searching for comfort that night, and Lily was probably just the first person nearby. After all he did come crying to you the next day.”

I sighed loudly and sniffled.

“Don’t you really just want to get back together with him? Isn’t that what would make you the happiest?”

“Yeah, it would.” I said.

“Then I think you should go talk to him.” Carrie said.

“It’s probably too late now. He’s probably with Lily right at this moment, searching for more comfort.”  I said.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. I was sitting in the bathroom with a crying Lily today. And Dan left school early.”

I looked down in the ground. Carrie took my chin and lifted my head.

“Do you love him?” she asked. I sniffled.

“Yes. Very much.” I answered.

“Then it’s not too late.”