Reckless and Relentless

Hidden In plain sight.

The rest of the day went by okay, I walked around by myself and avoided the guys. I felt like a ghost of the girl I was before and I need a fix, Danny's the only one I can get it from but he'd tell James that I hit him up for coke. Letting out a sigh of frustration I went to find Fronz. We became good friends when we got high together. As I was walking, there was a huge crowd at one of the tents, without turning my head, I looked over and saw Asking having a signing and I took off looking for the Attila bus. After I pushed through the crowd, I saw the bus with their door open and went inside where Fronz was smoking a blunt. I sat down next to him and he smiled and passed it on. His voice was magnetic and pulled me into him.

He let me sit and smoke with him for what felt like forever, "Don't you think that you should get back to your bus?" My heart was beating but I was confused and I just clung to him and tears started to flow from my eyes. Everything felt hazy but he sat there and hugged me until I slowed my sob.

I pushed myself up against Fronz and sat there trying to gather myself.

"Riley what's wrong?" He said with confusion on his face.

Trying to gather my thoughts, and look at him, "I'm in love with Ben." I hug Fronz and walk off the bus and find my way back to the Asking bus. Part of me hoped that Ben wouldn't be there but I knew better. He's going to be there and he's going to see me with red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

The air got cooler as the sun faded into the clouds and I clung to the hope that I'd be alone. After what felt like forever, I opened the door to the bus and walked in, holding my head down to avoid the stares. I heard the voices of the guys and just maid my way into towards the bunks when I'm stopped.

"Riley what's wrong?" James asks.

Taking a shallow breath, "a lot James but I can't tell you."

I wipe my eyes and climb into my bunk, hoping to leave the thoughts and just sleep.

I started to drift off, when I started craving a cigarette. Pushing the curtain aside I carefully got down and looked for my bag, Ben and Danny came down the hall to the back room so I hid in the small closet.

"Something's been up with Riley." Danny cooed.
"Yeah I know, but she's probably just having a withdrawal. That's what happens when you're a junkie." Ben said but I felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest.
Danny laughed, "I was addicted to cocaine and I wasn't as bad as her."
They both laughed but it hurt. It hurt so bad, I couldn't stand here and get insulted. Sliding out of the tiny closet, "is that really what you think of me? That I'm just a stupid junkie?" I almost choked on my words and just waited for a reply.

He had a slight chuckle in his tone, "Well yeah, I mean, yeah, the only reason I tried to sleep with you was because you naive and easy to manipulate." I felt my throat get tight and the moon shinned just enough light on Ben's face to see he didn't even care.

"Ben you're a fucking disgusting human being. I don't know how I could even think you were something different." Covering my face with my hands I sat on the floor where I was.

"Don't look so sad honey, you should have known that I was leading you on. Because the easiest girls are the ones who don't know when a guy doesn't give a shit about anything but sex. But for some reason you were harder than hell and I just wanted to see how far I could push till you broke ."

I pulled myself off the floor and went back to my bunk where I let the rest of my tears flow freely. Their words rang in my head and I can still hear them, stabbing me and mocking me, how fucking stupid can I be? I ripped the curtain open and got back down and grab Ben by the arm, squeezing tightly.

"So I've had enough of your bullshit. I was foolish and that's fine, but I'll be better than any groupy you could get. You sleep with all these women thinking you're the best thing on this planet and you're not. You are the lowest of the low. The most retched thing I've ever seen. I fell for you because I thought you we're sincere but since you're not. I'll be leaving tonight, don't try to stop me, I want nothing to do with this anymore. Have a nice life Benjamin Paul Bruce.